Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Nowadays, it is common knowledge that university students are becoming busier than ever. Some people think that despite this, students should participate in other activities aside from only studying. I strongly agree with this statement.
However, I do understand why university students should spend time studying. Firstly, working part-time jobs or participating in extracurricular activities can distract them from their studies. These activities sound more attractive than studying because there are rewards for them, such as money, connections, or friends. As a result, there have been cases where students eventually fail classes because of these activities. Another reason is that universities often promote team orientation by encouraging collective efforts. If students allocate too much time to peripheral activities, they would barely have time to squeeze a group meeting into their schedule, resulting in project failure.
Despite these challenges, I still think university students should engage in other activities rather than just studying. As university students, they are becoming young professionals, so working either part-time jobs or internships means preparation for the workplace. Working also provides them financial independence from their family, which lessens their burden. Moreover, by participating in extracurricular activities, students can have a better understanding of what is going on in society. For example, many universities have debate clubs that discuss both international and domestic socio-political issues. Students can gain crucial insights into society through these.
In conclusion, although I understand that many students cannot afford to participate in other activities aside from studying, I strongly believe that participation in extracurricular activities or working is essential for their personal development.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use concise phrasing Original: aside from only studying Suggested revision: besides studying Why it matters: The original phrase is wordy and combines two overlapping limiting expressions.
- 2. Fix collocation Original: working part-time jobs Suggested revision: working part-time Why it matters: English uses work part-time rather than work part-time jobs in this construction.
- 3. Choose precise verb Original: sound Suggested revision: seem Why it matters: Seem is more appropriate for describing how the activities appear to students.
- 4. Improve parallel nouns Original: connections, or friends Suggested revision: professional connections, or friendships Why it matters: Friendships matches the abstract noun form and clarifies the kind of connections intended.
- 5. Match conditional form Original: would Suggested revision: may Why it matters: The present-tense condition calls for a present modal rather than would.
- 6. Add required preposition Original: provides them financial independence Suggested revision: provides them with financial independence Why it matters: Provide takes with before the thing supplied in this structure.
- 7. Improve collocation Original: have Suggested revision: gain Why it matters: Gain an understanding is the more natural collocation for acquired knowledge.
- 8. Clarify reference Original: through these Suggested revision: through these discussions Why it matters: Naming the discussions makes the pronoun reference precise.
- 9. Use parallel forms Original: participation Suggested revision: participating Why it matters: Both alternatives should use parallel gerund forms after the noun phrase is recast.
- 10. Sentence rewrite Original: Another reason is that universities often promote team orientation by encouraging collective efforts. Suggested revision: Another reason is that universities often encourage students to work in teams. Why it matters: The rewrite replaces abstract corporate jargon with a direct statement of the same idea.
- 11. Sentence rewrite Original: As university students, they are becoming young professionals, so working either part-time jobs or internships means preparation for the workplace. Suggested revision: As they become young professionals, doing part-time work or internships prepares university students for the workplace. Why it matters: The rewrite removes the dangling introductory phrase and corrects the awkward coordination after working.
Suggested Rewrites
- aside from only studying besides studying
- working part-time jobs working part-time
- sound seem
- connections, or friends professional connections, or friendships
- would may
- provides them financial independence provides them with financial independence
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a consistent position and supports it with a well-organised discussion of both study-related risks and the developmental value of outside activities. The main limitation is that a few supporting points and the affordability claim in the conclusion are not fully integrated or developed. Strengthen the causal explanation of each example and make the conclusion reflect only the argument actually established.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is sustained and supported with relevant reasons on both sides, although several points could be explained more fully and the conclusion introduces affordability unexpectedly.
Develop the link between each activity and its claimed outcome, then restate only ideas already established in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through focused paragraphs, with effective overall sequencing despite some formulaic transitions and a slight mismatch in the conclusion.
Use more implicit links between closely related sentences and align the final contrast precisely with the preceding discussion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied and topic-specific, though a few expressions such as team orientation and means preparation sound unnatural.
Replace awkward abstract phrases with idiomatic combinations that express the same causal relationships more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence forms is used with generally strong control, while occasional preposition, complementation, and conditional-form errors remain.
Proofread verb patterns and prepositions in phrases about working, providing independence, and hypothetical consequences.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.