Full-time university students spend a lot of time studying. Some say they should do other activities too. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
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Sample Response
Nowadays, it is common knowledge that university students are becoming busier than ever. Some people think that despite this, students should participate in other activities besides studyingaside from only studying. I strongly agree with this statement.
However, I do understand why university students should spend time studying. Firstly, working part-timeworking part-time jobs or participating in extracurricular activities can distract them from their studies. These activities seemsound more attractive than studying because there are rewards for them, such as money, professional connections, or friendshipsconnections, or friends. As a result, there have been cases where students eventually fail classes because of these activities. Another reason is that universities often promote team orientation by encouraging collective efforts. If students allocate too much time to peripheral activities, they maywould barely have time to squeeze a group meeting into their schedule, resulting in project failure.
Despite these challenges, I still think university students should engage in other activities rather than just studying. As university students, they are becoming young professionals, so working either part-time jobs or internships means preparation for the workplace. Working also provides them with financial independenceprovides them financial independence from their family, which lessens their burden. Moreover, by participating in extracurricular activities, students can gainhave a better understanding of what is going on in society. For example, many universities have debate clubs that discuss both international and domestic socio-political issues. Students can gain crucial insights into society through these discussionsthrough these.
In conclusion, although I understand that many students cannot afford to participate in other activities aside from studying, I strongly believe that participatingparticipation in extracurricular activities or working is essential for their personal development.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a consistent position and supports it with a well-organised discussion of both study-related risks and the developmental value of outside activities. The main limitation is that a few supporting points and the affordability claim in the conclusion are not fully integrated or developed. Strengthen the causal explanation of each example and make the conclusion reflect only the argument actually established.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear opinion is sustained and supported with relevant reasons on both sides, although several points could be explained more fully and the conclusion introduces affordability unexpectedly.
Develop the link between each activity and its claimed outcome, then restate only ideas already established in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress clearly through focused paragraphs, with effective overall sequencing despite some formulaic transitions and a slight mismatch in the conclusion.
Use more implicit links between closely related sentences and align the final contrast precisely with the preceding discussion.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied and topic-specific, though a few expressions such as team orientation and means preparation sound unnatural.
Replace awkward abstract phrases with idiomatic combinations that express the same causal relationships more precisely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex sentence forms is used with generally strong control, while occasional preposition, complementation, and conditional-form errors remain.
Proofread verb patterns and prepositions in phrases about working, providing independence, and hypothetical consequences.