While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that we live in a society that places a high emphasis on white-collar jobs, which leads to a shortage of competent blue-collar workers. Therefore, I totally agree with the idea that more teenagers need to be urged to take a course in vocational schools.
On the macro level, this policy could create the balance between the two types of workers. Obviously, manual workers contribute to the growth of the economy as much as those working in the office do. As a result, if a country fails to have a sufficient number of manual workers, the growth of the economy might be negatively affected. For example, when a country does not have enough electricians, the whole electricity grid of that country might be at the risk of malfunction. The obvious consequence of this situation is that the power supply to factories and businesses would be unstable and interrupted, which hinders the proper operation of its economy.
On the micro level, as there is a lack of skilled worker, those who possess a trade will seek employment more easily. Recent graduates from universities are unable to have a job due to the intense competition and oversupply in the labor market. By contrast, most vocational schools often offer programs that are in high demand or shortage. This means that after finishing these courses, students are guaranteed a job in local factories. Consequently, many people with a bachelor degree in business administration or finance are still jobless whereas those with a trade of plumbing or nursing have a good job and, therefore, ensure a successful future.
In conclusion, the society is in a severe shortage of skilled workers; hence, encouraging more youngsters to attend trade schools is actually necessary to maintain the economy in good shape.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Improve collocation Original: places a high emphasis Suggested revision: places great emphasis Why it matters: Great emphasis is the more natural collocation in formal English.
- 2. Align number and form Original: take a course in vocational schools Suggested revision: take vocational courses Why it matters: The revision avoids combining one course with the plural schools and expresses the idea concisely.
- 3. Correct article choice Original: the Suggested revision: a Why it matters: A is required because the sentence introduces a nonspecific balance between the groups.
- 4. Use concise verb Original: fails to have Suggested revision: lacks Why it matters: Lacks states the same idea more directly and formally.
- 5. Remove unnecessary article Original: at the risk of malfunction Suggested revision: at risk of malfunction Why it matters: The fixed expression is at risk of, without the article the.
- 6. Use plural noun Original: worker Suggested revision: workers Why it matters: A general shortage involves multiple workers, so the count noun must be plural.
- 7. Improve verb choice Original: seek Suggested revision: find Why it matters: Find employment expresses the successful outcome intended here more accurately than seek employment.
- 8. Use correct collocation Original: have Suggested revision: find Why it matters: Find a job is the natural collocation for obtaining employment.
- 9. Remove conflicting frequency Original: most vocational schools often Suggested revision: vocational schools often Why it matters: Most and often express overlapping frequency claims and should not be combined here.
- 10. Correct faulty collocation Original: programs that are in high demand or shortage Suggested revision: programs in fields where workers are in high demand or short supply Why it matters: Workers or skills can be in short supply, whereas a programme itself is not in shortage.
- 11. Use possessive form Original: bachelor Suggested revision: bachelor's Why it matters: The standard form is bachelor's degree, with the possessive ending.
- 12. Correct article and structure Original: the society is in a severe shortage of Suggested revision: society has a severe shortage of Why it matters: Society is used without the here, and have a shortage is the correct structure.
Suggested Rewrites
- places a high emphasis places great emphasis
- take a course in vocational schools take vocational courses
- the a
- fails to have lacks
- at the risk of malfunction at risk of malfunction
- worker workers
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response presents a clear position and develops it through a useful macro-level and individual-level structure, with relevant explanations of economic and employment effects. Its main limitation is that several claims are overstated, particularly the suggestion that vocational graduates are guaranteed work, and some collocations and article choices sound unnatural. Qualifying the examples and improving noun phrases would make the argument more credible and polished.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement is sustained and supported by developed arguments about national infrastructure and individual employment prospects.
Qualify absolute claims about guaranteed jobs and strengthen examples with more realistic, carefully limited consequences.
Coherence and Cohesion
The macro-to-micro organisation creates a clear progression, and paragraphing and linking are consistently effective.
Use less formulaic signposting and make the transition from labour shortages to specific training choices more organic.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of topic vocabulary, though several noun phrases and collocations are imprecise or unnatural.
Improve combinations such as create a balance, at risk of malfunction, and qualifications in plumbing or nursing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is used with good control, although article, agreement, and singular-plural errors recur.
Check noun phrases systematically for determiners and number, especially a lack of skilled workers and a bachelor's degree.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.