While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Today individuals are more inclined towards pursuing a career in Supply Chain Management or Marketing than they are in vocational professions. The obsession with the silver tag that comes along with a Masters in Business Administration degree from a reputed business school or a Doctorate in any academic discipline has risen drastically over the years. Consequently, professions like plumbing, construction and automobile repairing to name a few have been neglected by a majority. Thus, I wholeheartedly believe that such blue-collar trades should be facilitated as they are vital to society. In the following paragraphs, I will elaborate on the topic and justify my views with relevant instances.
It is a known fact that executives manage and enable the smooth functioning of any organization. At the same time, the simple fact also has to be acknowledged that no organization can function without ground-level workers. One of the prime reasons for people to avoid labour-intensive jobs is that such employment operates on minimum wage, especially in third-world countries. Thus the upliftment of such segments of the population and improvement of wages for such workers should be undertaken by the government.
Another hindrance to the growth of such occupations is the lack of proper education and training facilities. That being said, it is of the utmost importance to procure thorough and sufficient knowledge on the vocation to practice it professionally. Therefore, the absence of modern and sophisticated courses and schooling leads to a shortage of better employment opportunities.
Although, it is important to understand that a human being always prefers a better and higher standard of living. Accordingly, the benefits of seeking vocational work need to be expanded to make it more appealing to the public.
Finally, I would like to conclude by saying that a line of work should not be judged by its nature. Every job is a craft in its own right and all of them should be treated equally.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the opening comma Original: Today individuals Suggested revision: Today, individuals Why it matters: A comma should follow the introductory adverb Today.
- 2. Use lowercase Original: Supply Chain Management Suggested revision: supply chain management Why it matters: A general field of study is not a proper noun here.
- 3. Use lowercase Original: Marketing Suggested revision: marketing Why it matters: The name of a general academic field should be lowercase.
- 4. Use a precise term Original: professions Suggested revision: trades Why it matters: Trades is the more precise term for the practical occupations discussed.
- 5. Replace unclear wording Original: silver tag Suggested revision: prestige Why it matters: Silver tag is not an established expression for the social status attached to a degree.
- 6. Correct the degree name Original: a Masters in Business Administration degree Suggested revision: a master's degree in business administration Why it matters: Master's needs an apostrophe, and the generic subject name should be lowercase.
- 7. Choose the right adjective Original: reputed Suggested revision: reputable Why it matters: Reputable describes an institution that has a good reputation.
- 8. Use lowercase Original: Doctorate Suggested revision: doctorate Why it matters: The generic degree type does not require capitalization.
- 9. Improve the collocation Original: has risen drastically Suggested revision: has grown considerably Why it matters: An obsession grows rather than rises, and considerably is more appropriate in formal prose.
- 10. Use the occupation noun Original: automobile repairing to name a few Suggested revision: automobile repair Why it matters: Automobile repair is the standard noun phrase, and the unnecessary aside disrupts the sentence.
- 11. Complete the comparison Original: by a majority Suggested revision: by most people Why it matters: Majority normally requires a specified group, whereas most people is complete here.
- 12. State the action clearly Original: trades should be facilitated Suggested revision: training in these trades should be promoted Why it matters: Trades themselves cannot be facilitated; the intended action concerns promoting training.
Suggested Rewrites
- Today individuals Today, individuals
- Supply Chain Management supply chain management
- Marketing marketing
- professions trades
- silver tag prestige
- a Masters in Business Administration degree a master's degree in business administration
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response states a firm position and follows a generally clear progression through wages, training provision, and the appeal of vocational work. Its main limitation is that these points are asserted rather than fully explained as reasons more people should be encouraged into training, while several unnatural word choices weaken precision; developing concrete cause-and-effect support and using more idiomatic collocations should be the priority.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The position is clear and relevant reasons are introduced, but support is limited and the conclusion shifts toward equal respect for all jobs.
Explain with specific examples how better pay and training would attract entrants and resolve the worker shortage named in the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence is understandable, but brief body paragraphs and mechanical connectors create uneven progression.
Combine closely related ideas into fuller paragraphs and use transitions that express the precise logical relationship between points.
Lexical Resource
There is a broad vocabulary range, but recurring awkward collocations such as ‘silver tag,’ ‘facilitated,’ and ‘procure knowledge’ reduce precision.
Replace inflated or literal phrases with natural terms such as status, promote vocational training, and acquire skills.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is mostly controlled, though punctuation and clause-linking errors occur in forms such as ‘Although, it is important’.
Use subordinators only when the dependent clause is completed by a clear main clause, and check punctuation around introductory phrases.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.