Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
Graduates of high school often face a dilemma of whether to seek a job or to enrol in universities or colleges to pursue higher education. This essay will analyse both views and will provide an opinion at the end of the essay.
The option to start work right after high school is appealing for several reasons. Many young people want to become independent and prefer their own source of income rather than relying on parents or guardian to meet their living expenses. They believe that learning skills while at work is far better than attending a college. For instance, Memon Community in Karachi prefers their children to help them in expanding their family business after school; seeking higher education for them is a waste of money and time. Often youth of middle-class families opt for jobs straight after school to share the burden of family expenses due to ever-growing inflation.
On the other hand, many teenagers prefer to seek admission in higher academic institutes like engineering, medical and business schools. They believe that bachelor's degree or diploma will help then attain a perfect job leading to a promising career. They argue that due to rising competition in the job market, seeking higher education is mandatory. Universities help them in enlightening their vision, expand their domain, polish their skills and prepare them to face real world challenges. For instance, Financial Industry in Pakistan favour commerce graduates over high school graduates because of their knowledge and skills which they acquired by studying at business schools and colleges. Moreover, a degree makes you more competitive and helps you earn at a better rate.
To conclude, the above provides solid evidence on both views. However, in my opinion, every teenager should opt for higher education rather than work after school right away. Skills and knowledge which students acquire at the university are unmatched and unparalleled.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural graduate phrase Original: Graduates of high school Suggested revision: High school graduates Why it matters: The revised noun phrase is the standard concise way to refer to people who have finished high school.
- 2. Use concise income phrase Original: their own source of income Suggested revision: their own income Why it matters: The shorter phrase conveys financial independence without redundancy.
- 3. Fix comparison structure Original: rather than relying on parents or guardian Suggested revision: rather than rely on parents or guardians Why it matters: The replacement restores parallel verb forms after 'prefer' and uses the plural general noun.
- 4. Use natural study phrase Original: attending a college Suggested revision: studying at college Why it matters: The revision describes participation in higher education more naturally in this context.
- 5. Fix community agreement Original: Memon Community in Karachi prefers their children Suggested revision: The Memon community in Karachi encourages its children Why it matters: The replacement adds the article, normalises capitalization and keeps singular agreement consistent.
- 6. Correct help pattern Original: help them in expanding Suggested revision: help them expand Why it matters: The verb 'help' takes a bare infinitive in this construction.
- 7. Correct adverb placement Original: Often youth of middle-class families Suggested revision: Young people from middle-class families often Why it matters: The revision uses a natural plural noun phrase and places the frequency adverb before the main verb.
- 8. Clarify financial contribution Original: share the burden of family expenses Suggested revision: help cover family expenses Why it matters: The revision states the intended contribution to household costs more directly.
- 9. Use economic collocation Original: ever-growing inflation Suggested revision: rising inflation Why it matters: 'Rising inflation' is the natural concise expression for increasing price pressure.
- 10. Correct admission preposition Original: in Suggested revision: to Why it matters: The noun 'admission' takes 'to' before an institution.
- 11. Use standard institution term Original: higher academic institutes Suggested revision: higher education institutions Why it matters: This is the standard term for universities and specialist colleges.
- 12. Add required article Original: They believe that bachelor's degree or diploma Suggested revision: They believe that a bachelor's degree or diploma Why it matters: The singular countable qualification requires the article 'a'.
Suggested Rewrites
- Graduates of high school High school graduates
- their own source of income their own income
- rather than relying on parents or guardian rather than rely on parents or guardians
- attending a college studying at college
- Memon Community in Karachi prefers their children The Memon community in Karachi encourages its children
- help them in expanding help them expand
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly presents both routes and maintains a definite preference for higher education, with relevant examples drawn from family finances and employment. Its main limitation is that several arguments remain generalised and the introduction delays the position, while recurring language errors reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state the opinion in the introduction and develop each view with a more specific explanation of how it leads to career success.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are directly discussed and supported with relevant reasons and examples, while the writer's preference for higher education is clear in the conclusion.
State the opinion in the introduction and explain more precisely how each route can produce long-term career success.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a clear four-paragraph structure, and cohesive devices guide the contrast between the two views effectively.
Make the introduction more purposeful and avoid mechanical references such as 'the above' in the conclusion.
Lexical Resource
The essay shows a sufficient range for education, employment, and family finance, but several collocations and word choices are awkward or imprecise.
Use more natural expressions such as 'gain admission to', 'broaden their outlook', and 'earn a higher salary'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A variety of complex sentences is attempted successfully, although errors in articles, agreement, pronouns, and parallel structures occur repeatedly.
Check agreement and parallel verb forms, especially in lists such as 'broaden their outlook, expand their knowledge, and polish their skills'.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.