Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Some encourage people to accept and welcome other cultures which have been brought to their countries by tourists and some others believe that tourists should behave as the frame of the host country's rules and customs. This essay tries to cover both the views.
The first groups who opine that people should respect tourists’ cultural believe that introducing new cultures to a society can be suitable. In the other words, people can learn new things from tourists and it can be helpful for increasing society awareness about the way of living in each corner of the world. In the other hand, these groups believe that people and governments should be flexible and admit other cultures if they want to be successful in the tourism industry and attract more tourists. Actually, lots of countries are competing with each other for being the destination of visitors in holidays and without respecting different cultures, they may be lost in this competition.
By contrast, some others worry about their local customs and traditional cultures and they think that bringing new cultures and behaviours to one country by visitors can make a serious threaten for their cultures. Put another way, they believe that people may be interested in other countries cultures when tourists come to their countries and by this way, they forget their local customs. For example, a new style of wearing would be replaced by local clothes or new foods would be developed instead of traditional ones. Hence, they always want from tourists to behave as the host country allows. For instance, in some Islamic countries, governments prohibit drinking alcohol for tourists or ask women tourists to wear some specific dresses.
I think, therefore, tourists always would like to learn and visit local customs when they go to new places, so, host countries can make a potential for tourists to be free and also encourage them to follow local rules and customs by introducing and showing their benefits. Undeniably visitors would be interested in behaving as similar as local people if the proper strategies would be considered.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant determiner Original: and some others believe Suggested revision: while others believe Why it matters: “Others” already functions as a pronoun, and “while” marks the contrast clearly.
- 2. Fix the expression Original: behave as the frame of Suggested revision: behave within the framework of Why it matters: “Within the framework of” is the correct expression for acting according to rules and customs.
- 3. Remove unnecessary article Original: both the views Suggested revision: both views Why it matters: No article is used between “both” and a plural noun in this structure.
- 4. Use singular group Original: groups Suggested revision: group Why it matters: The sentence refers to one side of the debate, so “group” should be singular.
- 5. Use the correct noun Original: cultural Suggested revision: cultures Why it matters: The possessive requires the noun “cultures,” not the adjective “cultural.”
- 6. State the benefit clearly Original: can be suitable Suggested revision: can benefit society Why it matters: “Suitable” does not express the intended positive effect on society.
- 7. Fix the connector Original: In the other words Suggested revision: In other words Why it matters: The fixed discourse marker is “in other words,” without “the.”
- 8. Use possessive form Original: society Suggested revision: society’s Why it matters: The awareness belongs to society, so the possessive form is required.
- 9. Use natural phrasing Original: the way of living Suggested revision: ways of life Why it matters: “Ways of life” is the more natural expression for how people live in different places.
- 10. Fix the connector Original: In Suggested revision: On Why it matters: The correct contrasting phrase is “on the other hand.”
- 11. Choose the right verb Original: admit Suggested revision: accept Why it matters: “Accept” conveys tolerance, whereas “admit” does not fit this meaning.
- 12. Fix purpose structure Original: for being the destination Suggested revision: to become destinations Why it matters: The infinitive expresses the goal of the competition, and the plural agrees with “countries.”
Suggested Rewrites
- and some others believe while others believe
- behave as the frame of behave within the framework of
- both the views both views
- groups group
- cultural cultures
- can be suitable can benefit society
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response’s strongest feature is its balanced structure: both views receive relevant explanation and examples, and the conclusion proposes a workable compromise. Its main limitation is that the personal position is expressed unclearly and frequent awkward word choices and grammatical errors sometimes strain the reader. The highest-priority improvement is to state the preferred balance directly, then express each supporting point in simpler, more accurate sentences with natural collocations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Response
Both views are addressed with relevant reasons and examples, while the writer’s compromise is present but not stated with complete clarity.
State the opinion explicitly in the introduction and conclusion, specifying which local rules visitors must follow and which differences hosts should accept.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is organised into clear stages with generally logical progression, although several cohesive phrases are repetitive or incorrectly formed.
Replace formulaic or faulty transitions such as “In the other hand” with accurate links that show the precise relationship between ideas.
Lexical Resource
There is sufficient range to discuss tourism, customs, and cultural change, but frequent collocational and word-form errors limit precision.
Use natural forms such as “cultural beliefs,” “raise social awareness,” and “pose a serious threat,” and avoid phrases like “make a potential.”
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but frequent errors in agreement, articles, possessives, prepositions, and conditional forms reduce control.
Build shorter accurate clauses first, paying particular attention to plural agreement and possessives such as “other countries’ cultures.”
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.