Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
The debate on whether women should participate equally with men in a country’s police or military force has garnered significant attention. While some argue that women are equally capable and should be given the same opportunities, others contend that these roles may not be suitable for women due to various physical and psychological reasons. In my opinion, women should play an equal role in these forces to bring far greater results for a nation and society.
Opponents of hiring women in a nation's police and military forces argue that women may not be suitable for certain aspects of police and military work due to physical limitations. They point out that combat roles, in particular, require a high level of physical endurance and strength, which men, on average, are more likely to possess. Moreover, some believe that the presence of women in combat units could disrupt unit cohesion and effectiveness. For example, during intense combat situations, differing physical abilities and the potential for gender-related interpersonal issues could potentially hinder operational efficiency.
On the other hand, proponents of gender equality in the police and military forces assert that women possess the same intellectual and emotional capabilities as men. Modern warfare and policing increasingly rely on technology and strategy rather than sheer physical strength, thereby diminishing the relevance of traditional gender roles. For instance, women have excelled as military strategists and leaders in various countries, including the United States and the United Kingdom. Additionally, incorporating women into these forces promotes diversity and inclusivity, which can lead to more comprehensive problem-solving and decision-making processes. For instance, having female police could help handle female victims and criminals more effectively. In addition to that, a female victim is more likely to talk to a female officer than she could to a male officer.
In my view, women are equally talented as men and can bring diversity to the defence force of a country and therefore should not be precluded from serving in the police or military.
In conclusion, while some express concerns regarding the suitability of women for certain roles in the police and military, these should not overshadow the benefits of gender equality and diversity. Women can undoubtedly play an equal and effective role alongside men in these vital institutions and bring positive results to society and the country.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural outcome phrase Original: bring far greater results Suggested revision: produce much better outcomes Why it matters: Results are produced rather than brought, and “outcomes” is more precise in this context.
- 2. Clarify social relationship Original: for a nation and society Suggested revision: for a country and its society Why it matters: The possessive makes the relationship between the country and its society explicit.
- 3. Avoid repeated modifier Original: physical endurance and strength Suggested revision: endurance and physical strength Why it matters: The revision avoids applying “physical” redundantly to two qualities whose context is already clear.
- 4. Remove modal redundancy Original: could potentially hinder Suggested revision: could hinder Why it matters: “Could” already expresses possibility, making “potentially” redundant.
- 5. Use precise assumption term Original: diminishing the relevance of traditional gender roles Suggested revision: reducing the relevance of traditional gender assumptions Why it matters: “Assumptions” more precisely describes beliefs about which abilities each gender possesses.
- 6. Link diversity more clearly Original: more comprehensive problem-solving and decision-making processes Suggested revision: more inclusive problem-solving and decision-making Why it matters: “Inclusive” connects the claimed benefit more directly to the preceding point about diversity.
- 7. Name the personnel Original: having female police Suggested revision: employing female police officers Why it matters: “Police” denotes the institution collectively, whereas the sentence refers to individual officers.
- 8. Distinguish police roles Original: handle female victims and criminals Suggested revision: assist female victims and deal with female offenders Why it matters: Different verbs clarify the distinct ways officers interact with victims and offenders.
- 9. Use concise transition Original: In addition to that Suggested revision: Additionally Why it matters: The single-word linker introduces the closely related supporting point more concisely.
- 10. Fix comparison structure Original: than she could to a male officer Suggested revision: than to a male officer Why it matters: The modal “could” leaves the comparison incomplete because its main verb is missing.
- 11. Correct equality pattern Original: equally Suggested revision: as Why it matters: Equal comparison uses the correlative pattern “as … as.”
- 12. Improve adverb placement Original: and therefore should Suggested revision: and should therefore Why it matters: Placing “therefore” after the modal creates a smoother and clearer verb phrase.
Suggested Rewrites
- bring far greater results produce much better outcomes
- for a nation and society for a country and its society
- physical endurance and strength endurance and physical strength
- could potentially hinder could hinder
- diminishing the relevance of traditional gender roles reducing the relevance of traditional gender assumptions
- more comprehensive problem-solving and decision-making processes more inclusive problem-solving and decision-making
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay answers every part directly, sustains a clear opinion, and develops both perspectives through relevant reasoning and examples. Its strongest feature is the controlled, logical discussion supported by a broad and generally precise vocabulary; the main limitation is occasional repetition and a few awkward comparative or occupational expressions. The best improvement would be to refine those local phrases and make the concluding restatement more concise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are examined in depth, the writer's position is explicit throughout, and the supporting reasons and examples are relevant and well developed.
Add a little more qualification to the physical-capability argument so the discussion distinguishes particular roles from the forces as a whole.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is clearly organised into purposeful paragraphs, progresses logically, and uses cohesive devices effectively with only minor repetition.
Streamline the separate one-sentence opinion paragraph or integrate it into the preceding discussion to avoid repeating the thesis.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide, topic-appropriate, and often precise, with only occasional awkward combinations such as references to female police and comparative ability.
Refine the few unnatural collocations and comparative forms while preserving the otherwise strong lexical range.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide variety of complex structures is used accurately, and the few grammatical slips do not impede communication.
Polish comparative constructions and pronoun-complement patterns, particularly in sentences comparing female and male officers.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police force or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.