Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In today's modern world, many students are planning to further their studies immediately after they finish school. However, there are a handful of people who assert that young teenagers should be given a chance to travel or work for at least one year before they really attend a university. Thus, it is important for us to establish both the positive and negative impacts on young people who plan to go on a trip or start to work before starting their tertiary education.
Undoubtedly, there are numerous benefits if young people were to work or to travel around the world after they finish school. To begin, working or travelling helps the students to gain precious life experiences which are not available on textbooks. To illustrate, when young adults come out to work before attending a university, they are actually being offered a valuable opportunity to get into contact with others. It is crucial for them to develop interpersonal skills which play an indispensable role in their studies and their prospective jobs. In addition, if they were planned to go on a trip worldwide, they would, unquestionably, learn about the cultures and traditions of the locals which may be slightly or totally different from theirs. It, indirectly, widen their horizons and may help them to reduce the experience of culture shock when they arrive in a new place in the near future.
Nevertheless, a coin always has another side. If they decide to work or to travel for a year, they may graduate later than their peers. The statistic of recent research conducted in Columbia has shown that memorising and interpreting abilities of a student deteriorate as they grow older. In other words, it means that they are likely highly not to achieve their aspirations due to the continual weakening of the mental abilities of their brains. Besides, they may have forgotten about the foundation of certain subjects that they have learnt in secondary school. Again, it will probably lead the students who start their tertiary education late fail to gain success in their academic performances.
In conclusion, although there are both benefits and damaging consequences if they travel abroad or work after they finish school, I believe every individual can still strive hard and achieve their set goals regardless of life experience and age. Our nation will continue to prosper and flourish in the decades to come if more educated and knowledgeable generations are being raised up.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundancy Original: today's modern world Suggested revision: today’s world Why it matters: “Today’s” already conveys that the world is modern, so both modifiers are unnecessary.
- 2. Use natural phrasing Original: further Suggested revision: continue Why it matters: “Continue their studies” is the more natural collocation for immediate further education.
- 3. Remove redundant modifier Original: young teenagers Suggested revision: teenagers Why it matters: The noun “teenagers” already identifies young people.
- 4. Use concise structure Original: before they really attend a university Suggested revision: before attending university Why it matters: The gerund phrase avoids the unnecessary adverb and expresses the timing directly.
- 5. Choose accurate verb Original: establish both the positive and negative impacts Suggested revision: examine both the positive and negative effects Why it matters: An essay examines effects rather than establishing that they exist.
- 6. Fix conditional form Original: benefits if young people were to work or to travel Suggested revision: benefits when young people work or travel Why it matters: A general claim about benefits requires the present simple rather than a hypothetical conditional.
- 7. Remove unnecessary article Original: helps the students to gain Suggested revision: helps students gain Why it matters: The general plural noun needs no definite article, and the bare infinitive is concise after “helps.”
- 8. Fix number and preposition Original: life experiences which are not available on textbooks Suggested revision: life experience that is not available in textbooks Why it matters: “Experience” is uncountable in this sense, and information appears “in” textbooks.
- 9. Use direct expression Original: come out to work Suggested revision: start working Why it matters: “Start working” conveys the intended transition into employment more naturally.
- 10. Use correct collocation Original: get Suggested revision: come Why it matters: The fixed expression is “come into contact with.”
- 11. Fix passive construction Original: if they were planned to go Suggested revision: if they planned to go Why it matters: The young people make the plan themselves, so the active form is required.
- 12. Fix reference and agreement Original: It, indirectly, widen Suggested revision: This indirectly widens Why it matters: “This” clearly refers to the preceding experience, and the singular subject requires “widens.”
Suggested Rewrites
- today's modern world today’s world
- further continue
- young teenagers teenagers
- before they really attend a university before attending university
- establish both the positive and negative impacts examine both the positive and negative effects
- benefits if young people were to work or to travel benefits when young people work or travel
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response gives a substantial discussion of how a gap year can build interpersonal and cultural awareness while delaying graduation and weakening academic readiness. Its main limitation is that the required personal position remains vague: the conclusion says students can succeed regardless of age or experience without clearly supporting or opposing the gap-year encouragement. The highest-priority improvement is to state a direct position and justify it by weighing the strongest benefit against the most credible drawback.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Advantages and disadvantages are developed with relevant explanation, but the extent of agreement is not made explicit in the conclusion.
State clearly whether a gap year should generally be encouraged, discouraged, or recommended only under defined conditions.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses logically through an introduction, benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion, with clearly focused body paragraphs.
Make the final paragraph synthesise the preceding comparison rather than introducing the broader, loosely related idea of national prosperity.
Lexical Resource
A reasonably wide vocabulary supports the discussion, but recurrent awkward collocations and overstated phrasing reduce precision.
Use natural expressions such as gain practical experience, broaden their horizons, lose study habits, and return to education.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted, but agreement, conditional, article, verb-pattern, and sentence-construction errors occur regularly.
Check conditional consistency and verb complements, especially forms such as if they plan, helps them broaden, and leads students to fail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Students in many countries are encouraged to travel or work for a year before starting their university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to work or travel after finishing high school and starting education in a university. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.