The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
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Sample Response
The world's population has increasedWorld's population has increased drastically over the decades, whichover the decades which is considered to be a major issue faced by humanity todayhumans nowadays. I agree that overpopulation is the greatest problem. In this essay,essay. I will discuss the reasons behind this, such asthe reason behind this such as improved medical care and better living conditions. To begin with, life expectancy is higher than in the past. This is because people have access to more effective health care, advanced treatments and innovative medicinesmedication. For instance, the creation of vaccines has helped us to deal with global diseases that caused mass deaths in the pastthat in the past caused mass deaths. Another significant cause isAnother considerable explanation, it can be argued, deals with the wide availability of fresh food and drinking water. These resourcesneeds are key requirements not only for survival but also for long-term physical well-beingnot just for essential survival, but for long-term physical well-being. In addition, malnutrition has been shown to leada lack of nutrition is proved to lead to serious health-related problems. In additionOn the other hand, the economic growth of many countries has given people a better standard of livinghas given a better lifestyle to people allowing them to have more children. For example, a family thatwho is financially stable is more likely to have a largebig family. Considering the human population growing day by daythe number of humans growing day by day, It goes without saying that our planet is now in crisis and might eventually run out of resources to feed everyoneevery single person. Furthermore, unemploymentthe levels of unemployment are rising because societies cannot create enough jobsas it is not possible to create enough jobs. To conclude, the continued growth in the world's population is caused by many factors, and I strongly believe that it is a threat to humanity, and therefore we should immediately take action.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions, maintains a clear view, and presents a generally logical sequence of causes and consequences. Its main limitation is that several claims are only briefly or loosely explained, while the lack of paragraphing and some awkward sentence construction reduce clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the causes from the justification of the opinion and develop each key claim with a precise causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with a clear position, though some causes are weakly justified and the claim that overpopulation is the greatest problem receives limited development.
Develop the opinion more fully by comparing overpopulation with another major global problem and explaining why its consequences are more severe.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a generally understandable sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and a few imprecise transitions blur the distinction between causes and consequences.
Use separate paragraphs for causes and for the evaluation of overpopulation, with topic sentences that announce each paragraph's purpose.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for discussing population, health care, resources, and employment, although several collocations and formulations are awkward or repetitive.
Use more precise cause-and-effect expressions and replace vague phrases about population growth and living standards with natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but fragments, capitalization problems, and awkward clause construction recur.
Eliminate sentence fragments and check clause boundaries, articles, and relative structures when expressing complex causal relationships.