The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Sample Response
World's population has increased drastically over the decades which is considered to be a major issue faced by humans nowadays. I agree that overpopulation is the greatest problem. In this essay. I will discuss the reason behind this such as improved medical care and better living conditions. To begin with, life expectancy is higher than in the past. This is because people have access to more effective health care, advanced treatments and innovative medication. For instance, the creation of vaccines has helped us to deal with global diseases that in the past caused mass deaths. Another considerable explanation, it can be argued, deals with the wide availability of fresh food and drinking water. These needs are key requirements not just for essential survival, but for long-term physical well-being. In addition, a lack of nutrition is proved to lead to serious health-related problems. On the other hand, the economic growth of many countries has given a better lifestyle to people allowing them to have more children. For example, a family who is financially stable is more likely to have a big family. Considering the number of humans growing day by day, It goes without saying that our planet is now in crisis and might eventually run out of resources to feed every single person. Furthermore, the levels of unemployment are rising as it is not possible to create enough jobs. To conclude, the continued growth in the world's population is caused by many factors, and I strongly believe that it is a threat to humanity, and therefore we should immediately take action.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add the definite article Original: World's population has increased Suggested revision: The world's population has increased Why it matters: This specific global population requires the definite article.
- 2. Separate the relative clause Original: over the decades which Suggested revision: over the decades, which Why it matters: The non-defining relative clause needs a comma before 'which'.
- 3. Join the opening phrase Original: essay. Suggested revision: essay, Why it matters: The introductory phrase must be joined to the main clause with a comma.
- 4. Fix number and punctuation Original: the reason behind this such as Suggested revision: the reasons behind this, such as Why it matters: Multiple examples require the plural 'reasons' and a comma before 'such as'.
- 5. Improve modifier placement Original: that in the past caused mass deaths Suggested revision: that caused mass deaths in the past Why it matters: Moving the time phrase makes the relative clause easier to follow.
- 6. State the cause directly Original: Another considerable explanation, it can be argued, deals with Suggested revision: Another significant cause is Why it matters: The original wording is cumbersome and uses 'explanation' and 'deals with' inaccurately.
- 7. Use a precise reference Original: needs Suggested revision: resources Why it matters: Fresh food and drinking water are resources rather than needs in this sentence.
- 8. Balance the paired structure Original: not just for essential survival, but for long-term physical well-being Suggested revision: not only for survival but also for long-term physical well-being Why it matters: The correlative pair 'not only...but also' gives the comparison a balanced structure.
- 9. Use accurate phrasing Original: a lack of nutrition is proved to lead Suggested revision: malnutrition has been shown to lead Why it matters: 'Malnutrition' and 'has been shown' express this claim more naturally and precisely.
- 10. Use an additive linker Original: On the other hand Suggested revision: In addition Why it matters: The sentence adds another cause rather than presenting an opposing point.
- 11. Use natural collocation Original: has given a better lifestyle to people Suggested revision: has given people a better standard of living Why it matters: 'Give people a better standard of living' is the appropriate collocation here.
- 12. Use a suitable relative Original: who Suggested revision: that Why it matters: 'That' is the standard relative pronoun for the collective noun 'family' here.
Suggested Rewrites
- World's population has increased The world's population has increased
- over the decades which over the decades, which
- essay. essay,
- the reason behind this such as the reasons behind this, such as
- that in the past caused mass deaths that caused mass deaths in the past
- Another considerable explanation, it can be argued, deals with Another significant cause is
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response answers both questions, maintains a clear view, and presents a generally logical sequence of causes and consequences. Its main limitation is that several claims are only briefly or loosely explained, while the lack of paragraphing and some awkward sentence construction reduce clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to separate the causes from the justification of the opinion and develop each key claim with a precise causal explanation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed with a clear position, though some causes are weakly justified and the claim that overpopulation is the greatest problem receives limited development.
Develop the opinion more fully by comparing overpopulation with another major global problem and explaining why its consequences are more severe.
Coherence and Cohesion
The ideas follow a generally understandable sequence, but the absence of paragraphing and a few imprecise transitions blur the distinction between causes and consequences.
Use separate paragraphs for causes and for the evaluation of overpopulation, with topic sentences that announce each paragraph's purpose.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficient for discussing population, health care, resources, and employment, although several collocations and formulations are awkward or repetitive.
Use more precise cause-and-effect expressions and replace vague phrases about population growth and living standards with natural academic collocations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the main ideas, but fragments, capitalization problems, and awkward clause construction recur.
Eliminate sentence fragments and check clause boundaries, articles, and relative structures when expressing complex causal relationships.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The continued rise in the world’s population is the greatest problem faced by humanity at the present time. What are the causes of this continued rise? Do you agree that it is the greatest problem faced by humanity?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.