At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
Youths in some nations, including some Asian, African and Western countries, comprise the highest percentage of the total population. Having a larger proportion of youth is considered to have many advantages as well as demerits for a country. I personally believe that a country reaps more benefits from its active and young workforce.
Having a large proportion of young adults and a relatively low percentage of seniors may lead to a disbalance in the demography of a nation and bring some negative consequences. Unemployment could be one such significant negative outcome which can lead to increasing crime rates, social unrest and political instability. Moreover, elderly people have vast experience and wisdom that are vital for many important state positions. With their diminishing numbers, the nation may struggle to find suitable elderly to fill those positions. For instance, elderly politicians, writers, researchers and doctors have more to contribute to society than their younger counterparts.
On the other hand, the young generation is dynamic, and energetic, and can contribute to the job sector which has a huge positive impact on the economic development of the country. They come with fresh ideas and are free from old dogma. It gives them a competitive advantage in bringing innovations. It is undeniable that the educated young generation is the best resource a country can have, and their contribution to the country is significantly higher than the participation of children and elder people. For instance, technological development is mostly driven by youths and many countries reap the benefits of technological advancements from their relatively higher younger populations.
To conclude, older people should not be considered a burden for the country; however, the young have more to contribute to society and the country as a whole. This is why it is more beneficial for a country to have an active and innovative workforce than dependent senior citizens.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural noun Original: Youths in some nations Suggested revision: Young adults in some nations Why it matters: Young adults is more natural and matches the population group named in the task.
- 2. Avoid unsupported superlative Original: the highest percentage Suggested revision: a large percentage Why it matters: Highest requires an explicit comparison, whereas the point here is simply that the proportion is large.
- 3. Use standard contrast Original: demerits Suggested revision: disadvantages Why it matters: Disadvantages is the more natural formal counterpart to advantages in this context.
- 4. Improve adjective order Original: active and young workforce Suggested revision: young and active workforce Why it matters: This adjective order sounds more natural in English.
- 5. Use correct word Original: disbalance Suggested revision: imbalance Why it matters: Imbalance is the standard noun for a lack of demographic balance.
- 6. Clarify demographic meaning Original: the demography of a nation Suggested revision: a nation's demographic structure Why it matters: Demographic structure more precisely describes the population composition being discussed.
- 7. Add a person noun Original: suitable elderly Suggested revision: suitable older candidates Why it matters: Elderly is normally an adjective here and needs an appropriate person noun.
- 8. Remove faulty commas Original: dynamic, and energetic, and Suggested revision: dynamic and energetic, and Why it matters: The comma after dynamic incorrectly separates two coordinated adjectives.
- 9. Use natural collocation Original: contribute to the job sector Suggested revision: contribute to the labour market Why it matters: Contribute to the labour market is a more natural expression for participation in employment.
- 10. Clarify pronoun reference Original: It gives them Suggested revision: These qualities give them Why it matters: It has no clear singular antecedent, while these qualities clearly refers to the preceding attributes.
- 11. Improve collocation Original: bringing innovations Suggested revision: driving innovation Why it matters: Driving innovation is the standard collocation for producing new ideas and developments.
- 12. Describe population size Original: higher younger populations Suggested revision: larger young populations Why it matters: Larger describes population size naturally, while higher younger is not an acceptable modifier sequence.
Suggested Rewrites
- Youths in some nations Young adults in some nations
- the highest percentage a large percentage
- demerits disadvantages
- active and young workforce young and active workforce
- disbalance imbalance
- the demography of a nation a nation's demographic structure
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear position, considers both sides, and supports its comparison with logically relevant consequences and examples. Its main limitation is that several claims are broad or only briefly justified, while some awkward word choices reduce precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the comparison more explicitly, showing why the economic and innovative benefits outweigh the identified social and demographic risks.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained, and both advantages and disadvantages are relevantly developed with supporting examples.
Make the weighing more explicit by explaining why the principal advantages are more significant than the social risks discussed.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through a clear introduction, contrasting body paragraphs, and a consistent conclusion.
Strengthen links between individual claims so that each example more visibly supports the paragraph's central comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, although phrases such as "disbalance in the demography" and "higher younger populations" are awkward.
Prioritise natural collocations and precise demographic terms over less idiomatic or inflated formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with generally strong control, despite occasional agreement, punctuation, and phrasing lapses.
Proofread complex sentences for cleaner coordination, article use, and consistent noun forms.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.