Many young people change their jobs and careers. What are the reasons for this? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
Write yours and get clear feedback on all four criteria.
- Closest to official scores
- What to fix on each criterion
- Feedback in about 20 seconds · free
Sample Response
Nowadays, many young people choose to change their jobs and careers frequently. There are two main reasons for this trend, and I believe that the advantages of this choice outweigh the disadvantages.
DeleteOn the one hand, young people change their jobs for several reasonstwo key reasons. First, they want to look for a higher salary. In the modern world, staying in one company for a long time often means slow salary growth, while moving to a new job can bring a substantialbig increase in income. Second, young people todaythe youth today place great importance oncare a lot about their working environment. They prefer places that offer a good balance between work and life. If a workplace is too stressful or toxic, they will easily leave to find a more supportive and fulfillingbetter and happier environment.
Turning to the consequences,On the other hand, although changing jobs has some drawbacks, I believe the benefits are much greater. The main disadvantage is that it can make a person’s CV look unstable. Some employers might think that these young workers lack loyalty and patience. However, the advantages are more important for long-term career success. When young people experience different jobs, they can learn many new skills and expand their social networks. Furthermore, trying different fields helps them find what they are truly good at, which leads to a more satisfying career in the future.
In conclusion, young people change their careers mainly in pursuit of higher earningsbecause of money and a better working environment. While this trend can create a feeling of instability, the benefits of gaining diverse skills and finding the right career path are clearly more significant.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay presents a well-structured argument that directly addresses both the reasons behind job hopping and the balance of its advantages and disadvantages. Ideas are clearly organized with logical progression and supported by appropriate examples. To elevate the overall standard, focus on extending the analysis of specific drawbacks and incorporating a wider variety of sophisticated grammatical structures and academic vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
All parts of the prompt are addressed with a clear position maintained throughout the essay.
Provide deeper analysis of the negative consequences to present a more thoroughly developed comparison.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is logically organized into paragraphs with clear topic sentences and smooth transitions.
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices to connect ideas more naturally across sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is used accurately and appropriately to discuss career changes and work environments.
Use less common lexical items and precise collocations to enhance the sophistication of the language.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is accurate with a good balance of simple and complex sentence structures.
Increase the variety of complex structures, such as inversion or participle clauses, to demonstrate advanced grammatical range.