Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age and live in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?
Sample Response
Cities offer excellent education facilities, job opportunities and a better standard of living. This is why the influx of people in cities is ever-increasing and young people mostly move to cities, away from their families, to pursue a better education and to have a job. Though there are some disadvantages to this trend, in my view, the trend has more benefits.
To commence with, the young generation has to move to cities to get admitted into better colleges or universities. Evidently, cities have more specialised universities while rural areas scarcely have such facilities. This is why parents want their children to study in a college in a city rather than in a village. Moreover, jobs, business opportunities, living standards, health care and technological advancements often attract educated young to move to urban areas. For instance, an IT professional has almost no chance of having a job in a remote area while there are plenty of opportunities for this person in a city.
I believe that there are more advantages to this trend. First of all, only a handful of youth would be able to start a career in a village, and most of them would eventually be forced to move. This is because the opportunity and facilities in cities are much wider. Moreover, the education facilities in most rural areas are not as advanced as that in a city. This also gives a competitive advantage to those youths who study in a municipality. Unless the government creates new job opportunities for the educated young generation in rural areas, forcing them to stay there would be a terrible idea.
In conclusion, young people may move to cities primarily for education, career and a better standard of living. This brings more benefits for them than drawbacks.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use the adjective form Original: education Suggested revision: educational Why it matters: Educational is the adjective required to modify facilities.
- 2. Correct the movement preposition Original: in Suggested revision: into Why it matters: Into expresses movement towards and entry into cities.
- 3. Use a natural opener Original: commence Suggested revision: begin Why it matters: To begin with is the more natural transition for the first reason.
- 4. Use natural plural reference Original: the young generation has to Suggested revision: young people have to Why it matters: Young people is the natural plural expression and requires have.
- 5. Use the admission collocation Original: get admitted into Suggested revision: gain admission to Why it matters: Gain admission to is the standard formal collocation.
- 6. Supply the missing noun Original: attract educated young to move Suggested revision: attract educated young people to move Why it matters: Young needs the noun people when referring to this demographic group.
- 7. Use the employment collocation Original: having Suggested revision: finding Why it matters: Find a job is the natural collocation for obtaining employment.
- 8. Use a countable plural Original: a handful of youth Suggested revision: a handful of young people Why it matters: Young people is the appropriate countable plural after a handful of.
- 9. Use natural city wording Original: those youths who study in a municipality Suggested revision: those young people who study in a city Why it matters: Young people is more natural than youths, and city matches the essay's comparison.
- 10. Use precise trend wording Original: ever-increasing Suggested revision: continuing to rise Why it matters: The revision describes the ongoing increase more directly.
- 11. Remove the unnecessary article Original: to pursue a better education Suggested revision: to pursue better education Why it matters: Education is used as an uncountable noun in this general comparison.
- 12. Use the employment phrase Original: to have a job Suggested revision: to find employment Why it matters: Find employment is more concise and formal in this context.
Suggested Rewrites
- education educational
- in into
- commence begin
- the young generation has to young people have to
- get admitted into gain admission to
- attract educated young to move attract educated young people to move
Why this response received Band 7.0
The essay clearly explains education, employment, healthcare, technology, and living standards as reasons for urban migration, supported by a relevant professional example. Its strongest feature is the logical, consistent argument that city opportunities benefit young people. The main limitation is that the claimed comparison with disadvantages is underdeveloped because no concrete drawback is examined; the priority is to acknowledge one significant cost of moving and show why the advantages still outweigh it.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The reasons for moving are well developed and the position is clear, but the advantages-disadvantages comparison remains incomplete because drawbacks are only asserted.
Discuss a genuine disadvantage such as high living costs, isolation, or competition, then explain explicitly why education and career gains carry greater weight.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay progresses clearly through reasons, evaluation, and conclusion, with effective paragraphing and generally well-managed cohesive devices.
Avoid repeating education and employment in both body paragraphs by reserving the second paragraph for a direct advantages-versus-disadvantages comparison.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied for migration, education, employment, and opportunity, though several expressions are imprecise or repetitive.
Use natural phrases such as 'move to cities', 'young adults', 'opportunities are broader', and 'urban area' rather than 'municipality' in this context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is generally accurate and clear, with occasional agreement, article, pronoun, and comparison errors.
Correct forms such as 'opportunities and facilities are wider', 'not as advanced as those in cities', and consistent references to young people.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Writing Task 2
Nowadays many young people leave home at an early age and live in a city. Why do you think they move to cities? Do you think this has more advantages or disadvantages for young people?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.