In many countries, the age of criminals is getting lower. Give reasons and solutions to the problem. Support your position with relevant example.
Sample Response
Recent global statistics have shown that the average age of individuals who engage in crime has dropped. This means that more young adults and adolescents are involved in crimes in the recent years, than ever before. Why is this so? Most importantly, what can be done to fix this impending time bomb? This essay will address the reasons behind this problem, including ineffective monitoring of children and lack of counsellors. This essay will also suggest ways by which this problem can be fixed, including effective parental advice and provision of counsellors.
In my opinion, the two main causes of teenage crimes today are lack of parental monitoring and absence of counsellors. The average parent in the society also doubles as the child’s adviser. Many times, the guardians have to juggle between work and home schedules, leaving the kids with little or no guidance. As a result of this, the kids can afford to engage in criminal activities without the knowledge of their parents. For example, a study at Harvard showed that children with two working parents are 30% more likely to engage in criminal activities and end up in juvenile homes, than kids with one working parent.
Effective parental guidance and provision of counselling units are ways by which the teenagers of the society can be prevented from going astray. It is understandable that parents have to work; however, they should be able to maintain a work-home balance which will not affect the upbringing of the children. By deliberately creating more time, the children are well monitored. In addition, the government should provide extra counsellor in schools and educational institutions where students can walk in freely for counselling. This method has proven to be effective in some countries. For instance, a reduction in crime was recorded in Finland, following the government’s provision of a guidance and counselling department in each school. Hence, I believe creating sufficient time for parenting and providing an advice unit in institutes is a step in the right direction towards curbing this problem.
In summary, recent reports have shown that adolescents are getting involved in crime. This write-up discussed the reasons behind this development. Furthermore, this write-up recommended ways this negative development can be reversed gradually.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use uncountable noun Original: crimes Suggested revision: crime Why it matters: Crime is uncountable when referring to criminal activity in general.
- 2. Remove article Original: the recent years Suggested revision: recent years Why it matters: The fixed time expression is 'in recent years' without an article.
- 3. Remove comparison comma Original: , than ever before Suggested revision: than ever before Why it matters: A comma should not separate this comparative phrase from the clause it completes.
- 4. Use measured wording Original: impending time bomb Suggested revision: growing social problem Why it matters: This wording states the problem more precisely and suits an academic register.
- 5. Use precise phrase Original: ineffective monitoring of children Suggested revision: inadequate parental supervision Why it matters: This phrase expresses the intended cause more directly and concisely.
- 6. Correct preposition Original: by Suggested revision: in Why it matters: 'Ways in which' is the standard construction for describing methods.
- 7. Clarify meaning Original: teenage crimes today Suggested revision: crime among teenagers today Why it matters: The revision clearly refers to criminal activity involving teenagers rather than types of crime.
- 8. Remove article Original: in the society Suggested revision: in society Why it matters: Society takes no article when used in this general sense.
- 9. Choose formal verb Original: doubles Suggested revision: serves Why it matters: 'Serves as' conveys the role naturally in formal writing.
- 10. Correct collocation Original: juggle between work and home schedules Suggested revision: balance work and home responsibilities Why it matters: The revised phrase uses a natural collocation and states what parents must manage.
- 11. Tighten connector Original: As a result of this Suggested revision: As a result Why it matters: The shorter connector makes the causal link without an unnecessary reference word.
- 12. Correct verb meaning Original: kids can afford to engage Suggested revision: children may engage Why it matters: 'Can afford to' incorrectly suggests having sufficient money or resources to commit crime.
Suggested Rewrites
- crimes crime
- the recent years recent years
- , than ever before than ever before
- impending time bomb growing social problem
- ineffective monitoring of children inadequate parental supervision
- by in
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response addresses both causes and solutions clearly, with a logical progression from limited adult guidance to practical parental and school-based measures. Its main limitation is that several claims and examples are asserted rather than convincingly explained, while some awkward wording reduces precision. The highest-priority improvement is to develop the causal mechanisms more fully and support them with credible, carefully framed examples.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are answered with relevant causes, solutions, and supporting examples, although some support is insufficiently substantiated.
Explain more precisely how each cause leads to youth crime and show why each proposed measure would address that mechanism.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into clear functional paragraphs, and cohesive devices generally guide the reader effectively.
Reduce repetitive signposting and strengthen the links between each identified cause and its corresponding solution.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally appropriate, but several collocations and word choices sound awkward or imprecise.
Replace expressions such as “kids can afford to engage” and “advice unit in institutes” with more natural, exact phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex structures is used with mostly accurate control, despite occasional agreement, article, and punctuation errors.
Proofread noun number, article use, and punctuation around clauses to make complex sentences consistently accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the age of criminals is getting lower. Give reasons and solutions to the problem. Support your position with relevant example.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.