The leaders of most organizations tend to be older people. However, some argue that younger people make better bosses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The leading individuals of many companies and big organizations are elderly most of the time. Albeit, few believe that the young generation is much better than older individuals in terms of leading companies. Nevertheless, I personally do not agree with the opinion of these individuals, and I think that obviously there are many perks of young bosses. However, the grey-haired experience overrules all the perks of the younger generation, which I will discuss in the upcoming paragraphs.
Rules in companies are changing nowadays, and many organizations are willing to give a chance to the new generations to be a leader. This is because there are many advantages of having young leaders, such as they are more enthusiastic and they love to face challenges. Moreover, they are more technology friendly than the older ones, which helps in reaching more individuals. For instance, young leaders focus on marketing the same as they focus on their company’s products. This kind of attitude is helpful in expanding business. Hence, a plethora of organizations believes in younger more than older.
On the other hand, there are companies that trust elders more as the leading face of their group. This is because they value the experience of old people in the field. They believe that experience is definitely greater than bookish knowledge. To cite an example, Tata Group is still led by ratan tata, and his vision changed the companies which were in debt at one time into profit-making companies, and this vision can only be achieved by experience in the field. This is why many still prefer to give the command to older individuals.
In my view, other than experience, older people have one more valuable quality that most young individuals lack patience. Young ones want everything at a fast pace, and in their enthusiasm, they forget that big achievements also require patience. For example, many young invested in the stock market, but when the market went down, instead of waiting, they sold their shares while individuals like Warren Buffett waited for the market to rise again. This quality of patience made him a billionaire today. This is why I believe that experience and patience can beat the enthusiasm of young ones.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use correct connector Original: Albeit Suggested revision: However Why it matters: ‘Albeit’ cannot function independently as a sentence adverb in this position.
- 2. Clarify the quantity Original: few believe Suggested revision: some people believe Why it matters: ‘Few’ implies that almost nobody holds this view, whereas the intended reference is to an unspecified group.
- 3. Use natural phrasing Original: the young generation Suggested revision: younger people Why it matters: ‘Younger people’ is a more natural way to refer to this age group.
- 4. Correct the expression Original: grey-haired experience Suggested revision: experience of older leaders Why it matters: Experience itself cannot be ‘grey-haired’, so the original phrase creates an illogical description.
- 5. Choose precise verb Original: overrules Suggested revision: outweighs Why it matters: ‘Outweighs’ correctly expresses that one set of advantages is considered greater than another.
- 6. Clarify the subject Original: Rules in companies Suggested revision: Company practices Why it matters: The paragraph describes changing leadership practices rather than formal company rules.
- 7. Use consistent reference Original: the new generations Suggested revision: the younger generation Why it matters: The singular collective phrase is more natural for the age group discussed.
- 8. Match plural noun Original: to be a leader Suggested revision: to become leaders Why it matters: The complement should be plural because ‘generations’ refers to multiple prospective leaders.
- 9. Fix example structure Original: such as they are Suggested revision: because they are Why it matters: ‘Such as’ cannot introduce these two finite clauses as reasons in this structure.
- 10. Use natural collocation Original: technology friendly Suggested revision: comfortable with technology Why it matters: This phrase expresses technological competence more naturally and precisely.
- 11. Clarify the actor Original: helps in reaching more individuals Suggested revision: helps them reach more people Why it matters: Adding ‘them’ identifies the young leaders as the people who reach a wider audience.
- 12. Fix comparison form Original: the same as Suggested revision: as much as Why it matters: The correlative comparison requires ‘as much as’ to compare the amount of focus.
Suggested Rewrites
- Albeit However
- few believe some people believe
- the young generation younger people
- grey-haired experience experience of older leaders
- overrules outweighs
- Rules in companies Company practices
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear preference for older leaders and develops that view through experience and patience, while also acknowledging younger leaders' advantages. Its main weakness is uneven precision: some support, particularly the stock-market example, is only loosely connected to organizational leadership, and awkward wording and recurring grammatical errors reduce fluency. Prioritize using directly relevant workplace evidence and revising sentences for accurate agreement, articles, and natural collocation.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and both younger and older leadership are discussed, although some supporting examples are only partly relevant to workplace leadership.
Use a directly organizational example to show how an older leader's experience or patience produces better management outcomes.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress through clear thematic paragraphs, but repetitive linking phrases and the absence of a distinct conclusion make the organization somewhat mechanical.
Use less formulaic transitions and finish with a brief concluding paragraph that synthesizes the comparative argument.
Lexical Resource
The response shows a good range of leadership-related vocabulary, but several phrases are awkward or imprecise, including grey-haired experience and give the command.
Choose natural professional collocations such as extensive experience, technological competence, and place someone in charge.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, but errors in agreement, articles, punctuation, and clause construction recur throughout.
Proofread especially for subject-verb agreement and complete clause patterns after linkers and examples.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The leaders of most organizations tend to be older people. However, some argue that younger people make better bosses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.