Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? What could be done to control that?
Same question Compare 2 different answersSample Response
Drug abuse by youths is perhaps the most wicked and concerning issue both the poor and rich nations suffer equally. Many young talents are wasted and families are destroyed due to drug abuse. It is more concerning that youth's experiments with illegal substances are on the rise. Suggesting accurate remedies for that problem requires a clear understanding of the underlying reasons, and this essay will attempt to do that.
To note down the possible reasons for youth drug abuse, we need to consider the availability of these drugs and many corrupt law officers first. According to several news reports and investigations, the law-enforcing department has a list of all drug dealers and possible spots where illegal drugs are sold. If this is the case, why they are yet to wipe out the illegal drug business from the city is a big question! No doubt, money and corruption play a role here. Besides, some people say that family bonding in modern life is not as close as it used to be. Due to family issues and pressure, many young people start abusing drugs. Initially, they find it a relief but soon get trapped. Bad companies that are on drugs can influence many youths to start it.
To solve this problem and to control the illegal substances that youths use, the authorities should try to wipe out the illegal drug businesses from the country. If the illegal drug business is closed, teenagers will not be able to try them. Another way to tackle this issue is by having better family bonding and parents spending quality time with their children. It is undeniable that youths get depressed when the family bond is loose. When parents start spending more time with their children, they are more jubilant and have a more positive outlook towards the world. This can be a great tool to fight the youth drug abuse issue.
To conclude, we wish to have a future when we will have no young drug abusers in our society, and this can be achieved by us - as parents, as teachers, as friends and finally as law-enforcing officers, if we just play our roles properly. Young drug abuse is a serious issue with grave consequences, but luckily we have viable solutions to tackle it.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Complete relative clause Original: both the poor and rich nations suffer equally Suggested revision: that both poor and rich nations face equally Why it matters: The sentence needs a relative clause connecting the issue to the nations affected.
- 2. Use natural expression Original: young talents are wasted Suggested revision: young people's potential is wasted Why it matters: "Potential" rather than "talents" naturally describes lost future ability.
- 3. Fix number and form Original: youth's experiments with illegal substances are Suggested revision: young people's experimentation with illegal substances is Why it matters: The uncountable noun "experimentation" and singular verb form express the general trend correctly.
- 4. Choose natural collocation Original: accurate remedies Suggested revision: effective solutions Why it matters: Solutions are described as effective rather than accurate.
- 5. Use analytical verb Original: To note down Suggested revision: To identify Why it matters: "Identify" fits the task of determining causes, while "note down" means record in writing.
- 6. Use standard institution term Original: the law-enforcing department has a list Suggested revision: law enforcement agencies have lists Why it matters: "Law enforcement agencies" is the standard term and requires plural agreement.
- 7. Use present perfect Original: are Suggested revision: have Why it matters: The present perfect is needed for an action that remains incomplete up to now.
- 8. Use question punctuation Original: a big question! Suggested revision: a big question. Why it matters: The indirect question is a statement and should not end with an exclamation mark.
- 9. Use precise noun Original: bonding Suggested revision: bonds Why it matters: "Family bonds" refers more precisely to relationships among family members.
- 10. Clarify pronoun structure Original: find it a relief Suggested revision: find that it provides relief Why it matters: The revised clause clearly identifies drug use as the source of temporary relief.
- 11. Correct peer-group phrase Original: Bad companies that are on drugs Suggested revision: Peers who use drugs Why it matters: "Company" does not mean groups of people in this plural construction, and people use rather than are on drugs here.
- 12. Clarify verb complement Original: influence many youths to start it Suggested revision: influence many young people to start using drugs Why it matters: The original pronoun and verb pattern do not state clearly what the young people begin doing.
Suggested Rewrites
- both the poor and rich nations suffer equally that both poor and rich nations face equally
- young talents are wasted young people's potential is wasted
- youth's experiments with illegal substances are young people's experimentation with illegal substances is
- accurate remedies effective solutions
- To note down To identify
- the law-enforcing department has a list law enforcement agencies have lists
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its complete, clearly organised treatment of both causes and solutions, with each proposal linked to an identified problem. Its main limitation is that several claims are broad or simplistic, particularly the assumption that eliminating known dealers would remove access to drugs; the highest-priority improvement is to develop these ideas with more precise causal reasoning and realistic implementation details.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both parts of the task are addressed directly with relevant causes and matching solutions, although some reasoning is generalised and insufficiently qualified.
Strengthen each main idea by explaining practical mechanisms and limitations rather than relying on absolute claims about eliminating drug access.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has clear paragraphing and logical progression from causes to solutions, though some linking and repetition make the organisation slightly mechanical.
Use more varied referencing and reduce repeated phrases such as "illegal drug business" and "family bonding" within adjacent sentences.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied enough to discuss causes, enforcement, family relationships, and remedies, but awkward collocations and imprecise choices recur.
Replace expressions such as "wicked issue," "bad companies," and "family bond is loose" with precise, natural academic phrasing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied sentence structures with generally clear control, but recurring errors in possessives, question structure, agreement, and pronoun reference remain noticeable.
Review possessive forms and agreement carefully, and ensure pronouns such as "it," "them," and "they" have grammatically matching antecedents.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Youth drug abuse is a serious problem. What are the possible causes of this behaviour? What could be done to control that?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.