Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
Sample Response
Zoos remain popular places for people to visit for entertainment and to learn about wild animals. Although some people are of the opinion that zoos can provide a sanctuary for endangered animals and so should be kept open, I believe that the cruelty that animals suffer outweighs this benefit, and that they should be shut down.
These days, animals are under threat from humans in many ways, seen for example in the way that their habitats are being destroyed through the cutting down of rain forests, or through poaching. Following on from this, the argument is that zoos can protect some of these animals that are under threat. The reason is that they are in a safe environment managed by trained staff who can ensure the animals are looked after and can produce offspring. There are examples of successes in this respect, such as with Pandas, which have been endangered for many years but have been protected.
However, there are more convincing arguments for why zoos should be shut down. Firstly, even though some species are under threat, there are lots of animals which do not fall into this category and who are there just for the entertainment of visitors. While it may be fun and educational to see them, animals are not meant to be caged, and their distress can often be seen in the way many of them pace back and forwards all day. Not only this, if the prime reason of zoos is to protect animals, this could be done in other environments such as wild life parks where the animals have more freedom.
In conclusion, animals should be protected but this does not have to be in zoos. Zoos are cruel to animals, not similar enough to their natural habitat, and they should be closed down.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Streamline example phrase Original: seen for example in the way that Suggested revision: as illustrated by how Why it matters: This revision integrates the example more smoothly into the sentence.
- 2. Clarify logical link Original: Following on from this Suggested revision: Against this background Why it matters: This transition more clearly connects habitat threats to the case for zoos.
- 3. Reduce repetition Original: some of these animals that are under threat Suggested revision: some of these threatened animals Why it matters: Threatened animals states the same idea more concisely.
- 4. Use natural collocation Original: successes Suggested revision: success Why it matters: Success is normally uncountable in this general expression.
- 5. Lowercase common noun Original: Pandas Suggested revision: pandas Why it matters: Animal species names are not capitalized unless they contain a proper noun.
- 6. Use defining relative Original: which Suggested revision: that Why it matters: That is the more natural relative pronoun in this defining clause.
- 7. Fix animal reference Original: who are there just Suggested revision: that are kept there just Why it matters: That refers correctly to animals and kept clarifies why they are present.
- 8. Correct fixed expression Original: forwards Suggested revision: forth Why it matters: Back and forth is the standard fixed expression for repeated movement.
- 9. Use complete connector Original: Not only this Suggested revision: Moreover Why it matters: Moreover provides a complete additive link without requiring a paired construction.
- 10. Correct noun phrase Original: prime reason of zoos Suggested revision: primary purpose of zoos Why it matters: Purpose of zoos is the natural phrase for their intended function.
Suggested Rewrites
- seen for example in the way that as illustrated by how
- Following on from this Against this background
- some of these animals that are under threat some of these threatened animals
- successes success
- Pandas pandas
- which that
Why this response received Band 8.0
The essay addresses both views directly, sustains a clear opinion, and develops its reasoning through well-selected explanations and examples. Its main limitation is a small number of imprecise or slightly awkward expressions, while some claims could be qualified more carefully. The highest-priority improvement is to refine lexical precision and make the conservation example more specific without sacrificing the response's strong focus and progression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both opinions are explored in sufficient depth, and the writer's view is explicit and consistently supported throughout.
Strengthen the conservation discussion with a more precise explanation of how zoo breeding contributes to species protection.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through a focused introduction, two clearly contrasted body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion, with cohesion handled effectively.
Refine a few linking phrases so connections arise even more naturally from the argument rather than from explicit signposting.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with only occasional awkward choices such as "the prime reason of zoos" and "wild life parks."
Polish collocations and word forms, using phrasing such as the primary purpose of zoos and wildlife parks.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses a wide range of complex structures with strong control, and the few minor slips do not impede communication.
Maintain the same range while checking long sentences for the most concise and natural clause structure.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that zoos are all cruel and should be closed down. Others however believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.