The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000. Where the money goes
Sample Response
The pie chart shows the national expenditure of the United Arab Emirates government in 2000. Generally speaking, the UAE government had a budget of over 300 billion AED and the highest portion of this budget was spent on social security and health & social services. As is given in the diagram, the UAE government spent more than 300 billion AED in ten different sectors in 2000. Social security for the citizens cost the highest budget and it was exactly 100 billion AED. Health and personal social services, on the other hand, required more than 50 billion and this was the second largest budget money allocation for the UAE government in 2000. The UAE authority used 38 billion for education, 17 billion for law and order and 13 billion for job, industry and agriculture. Defence sector cost them 22 billion which was slightly lower than the debt interests the government paid in this year. Housing, heritage and environment got 15 billion which was nearly the same as it was allocated for law and order. Finally, 9 billion was spent on the transportation sector and 23 million for other sectors which are not specifically mentioned in the chart.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Clarify overview ranking Original: the highest portion of this budget was spent on social security and health & social services Suggested revision: the largest allocation went to social security, followed by health and personal social services Why it matters: The chart shows two distinct ranked allocations rather than one combined highest category.
- 2. Correct total and count Original: more than 300 billion AED in ten different sectors Suggested revision: AED 290 billion across nine sectors Why it matters: The nine displayed allocations sum to AED 290 billion.
- 3. Use natural allocation phrase Original: cost the highest budget Suggested revision: received the largest allocation Why it matters: This is the standard collocation for describing the largest budget category.
- 4. Report exact figure Original: required more than 50 billion Suggested revision: received AED 53 billion Why it matters: The chart gives an exact allocation of AED 53 billion.
- 5. Remove redundant wording Original: budget money allocation Suggested revision: budget allocation Why it matters: Budget allocation expresses the meaning without the redundant word money.
- 6. Use precise reporting verb Original: The UAE authority used Suggested revision: The UAE government allocated Why it matters: Allocated precisely describes government spending by sector.
- 7. Correct finance term Original: debt interests Suggested revision: debt interest payments Why it matters: Interest is uncountable in this financial expression.
- 8. Repair comparison structure Original: which was nearly the same as it was allocated for law and order Suggested revision: which was close to the AED 17 billion allocated to law and order Why it matters: The revision creates a grammatical and explicit numerical comparison.
- 9. Correct expenditure unit Original: 23 million Suggested revision: AED 23 billion Why it matters: The chart labels other expenditure as AED 23 billion, not million.
- 10. Use precise budget term Original: national Suggested revision: government Why it matters: Government expenditure is more precise for spending from a national budget.
- 11. Use overview marker Original: Generally speaking Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall is the conventional concise marker for the main visual features.
- 12. Use concise chart reference Original: As is given in the diagram Suggested revision: As shown in the chart Why it matters: The revision is a more natural way to refer to the visual.
Suggested Rewrites
- the highest portion of this budget was spent on social security and health & social services the largest allocation went to social security, followed by health and personal social services
- more than 300 billion AED in ten different sectors AED 290 billion across nine sectors
- cost the highest budget received the largest allocation
- required more than 50 billion received AED 53 billion
- budget money allocation budget allocation
- The UAE authority used The UAE government allocated
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response identifies the largest allocations and reports nearly all sector figures in a clear, easy-to-follow sequence, with generally controlled sentence structures. Its main limitation is data accuracy: the chart totals AED 290 billion, not over 300 billion, and other expenditure is AED 23 billion rather than 23 million. Prioritise checking units and totals against the chart before writing, then separate the overview from the details.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and broad coverage of all sectors are weakened by an incorrect total and the million/billion error for other expenditure.
Recalculate the AED 290 billion total and reproduce every unit exactly as shown in the chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The information follows a sensible progression from the largest allocations to the smaller ones, but it is presented as one continuous paragraph.
Use separate paragraphs for the introduction and overview and for grouped detail comparisons.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of budget vocabulary, although several collocations such as cost the highest budget are awkward.
Use more natural combinations such as received the largest allocation and accounted for AED 100 billion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures is mostly well controlled, with only occasional awkward or faulty constructions.
Refine comparison structures, especially phrases such as nearly the same as the amount allocated to law and order.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The chart below shows how much money is spent in the budget on different sectors by the UAE government in 2000. Where the money goes
Your response
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