In many parts of the world, famous people are regarded as role models and they have an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?
Sample Response
Famous people have increasingly become role models for young peoplethe youth in many countries. However, I argue that this trend poses more drawbacks than benefits.
It is somewhat true that celebrities have the potential to motivate their fans and audiences in certain respectsregards. For exampleIn truth, famous actors, musicians, and athletes can sometimes inspirecan, on some occasions, inspire people by demonstrating perseverancethrough demonstrations of perseverance, talent, or philanthropy. This can arouse admiration in young people and motivate them to pursue excellence and success. Nevertheless, overemphasis on famous figures threatens to obscure occupations that make farinfinitely more meaningful contributions to society, such as teaching, healthcare, engineering, and community service work. People in these esteemed professions significantly improve society through their effortswith their tremendous efforts, yet receive inadequate recognition relative to their importance.
More problematically, the lifestyles portrayed by some celebrities are objectionable in several ways. First, the glamor enjoyed and flaunted by celebrities can lead impressionable youths to developformulate unrealistic expectations about different aspects of life. This can negatively impact their self-image and well-being, especially amongin adolescent girls who face unattainable beauty standards from following and being influenced byas a result of following, and being influenced by, female pop stars or actresses. Another issue worth noting is that many famous people are prone to making controversial and harmful statements, many of which can be considered hate speech against particular groups of people. If their followers are not discerning enough, they might adopt such hateful attitudes, thus further endangering those in vulnerable positions.
In conclusion, while celebrities have the ability to inspire audiences in some instances, over-idolization of their influence risks undermining more substantive role models and cultivating unhealthy priorities in young people. Thus, I hold that treating famous people as role modelsplacing famous people in the position of role models is an overall negative development.
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response is strongest in its clear, consistently maintained position and well-developed explanation of how celebrity influence can distort young people's priorities and attitudes. Its main limitation is occasional overstatement and slightly strained phrasing, particularly when contrasting celebrities with socially valuable professions; the highest-priority improvement is to qualify broad claims and use more exact collocations so the argument sounds consistently measured and precise.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The essay directly answers the question with a clear negative position, a relevant concession, and two well-developed drawbacks.
Qualify sweeping claims about celebrities and other professions so every supporting point remains measured and fully defensible.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through well-focused paragraphs, with cohesive devices guiding the contrast and development effectively.
Smooth the shift from celebrity inspiration to the undervaluing of other professions so that the first body paragraph feels even more unified.
Lexical Resource
A wide and precise vocabulary supports nuanced argument, though a few expressions are overstated or slightly strained.
Replace phrases such as over-idolization of their influence with more natural, exact collocations and moderate absolute wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A broad range of complex structures is used accurately and flexibly, with errors rare and meaning consistently clear.
Refine the few dense modifier and reference patterns so complex sentences remain completely natural as well as accurate.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many parts of the world, famous people are regarded as role models and they have an increasing influence on the young. Is this a positive or negative development?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.