Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
It is true that ex-prisoners can become normal, productive members of society. I completely agree with the idea that allowing such people to speak to teenagers about their experiences is the best way to discourage them from breaking the law.
In my opinion, teenagers are more likely to accept advice from someone who can speak from experience. Reformed offenders can tell young people about how they became involved in crime, the dangers of a criminal lifestyle, and what life in prison is really like. They can also dispel any ideas that teenagers may have about criminals leading glamorous lives. While adolescents are often indifferent to the guidance given by older people, I imagine that most of them would be extremely keen to hear the stories of an ex-offender. The vivid and perhaps shocking nature of these stories is likely to have a powerful impact.
The alternatives to using reformed criminals to educate teenagers about crime would be much less effective. One option would be for police officers to visit schools and talk to young people. This could be useful in terms of informing teens about what happens to lawbreakers when they are caught, but young people are often reluctant to take advice from figures of authority. A second option would be for school teachers to speak to their students about crime, but I doubt that students would see teachers as credible sources of information about this topic. Finally, educational films might be informative, but there would be no opportunity for young people to interact and ask questions.
In conclusion, I fully support the view that people who have turned their lives around after serving a prison sentence could help to deter teenagers from committing crimes.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use neutral wording Original: normal, productive members of society Suggested revision: productive, law-abiding members of society Why it matters: Law-abiding describes rehabilitation more precisely than the potentially vague word normal.
- 2. Name the speakers Original: allowing such people to speak Suggested revision: allowing reformed ex-prisoners to speak Why it matters: The specific noun phrase makes the reference clearer and more immediate.
- 3. Emphasize direct experience Original: someone who can speak from experience Suggested revision: someone with direct personal experience Why it matters: The revision is more concise while preserving the reason the speaker is credible.
- 4. Use a direct clause Original: tell young people about how they became involved Suggested revision: tell young people how they became involved Why it matters: Tell followed directly by how is more natural than tell about how.
- 5. Use precise wording Original: dispel any ideas that teenagers may have Suggested revision: challenge any belief that teenagers may hold Why it matters: Belief and hold express the mistaken perception more precisely.
- 6. Moderate the claim Original: extremely Suggested revision: particularly Why it matters: Particularly keeps the emphasis while avoiding an unnecessarily absolute intensity.
- 7. Reduce nominalisation Original: nature Suggested revision: content Why it matters: Content names what affects the audience more directly than the nature of the stories.
- 8. Clarify the action Original: The alternatives to using reformed criminals Suggested revision: The alternatives to inviting reformed criminals to speak Why it matters: The revision specifies how reformed criminals would educate teenagers.
- 9. Use concise phrasing Original: useful in terms of informing teens Suggested revision: useful for informing teenagers Why it matters: Useful for is shorter and keeps the register consistent with the rest of the essay.
- 10. Use standard collocation Original: figures of authority Suggested revision: authority figures Why it matters: Authority figures is the more usual and concise collocation.
- 11. Tighten the phrase Original: credible sources of information about this topic Suggested revision: credible sources on this topic Why it matters: The shorter phrase preserves the meaning while avoiding unnecessary abstraction.
- 12. Tighten the verb phrase Original: could help to deter teenagers Suggested revision: could help deter teenagers Why it matters: Help can take the bare infinitive, producing a more concise formal sentence.
Suggested Rewrites
- normal, productive members of society productive, law-abiding members of society
- allowing such people to speak allowing reformed ex-prisoners to speak
- someone who can speak from experience someone with direct personal experience
- tell young people about how they became involved tell young people how they became involved
- dispel any ideas that teenagers may have challenge any belief that teenagers may hold
- extremely particularly
Why this response received Band 9.0
The response gives a direct, fully developed argument, using the distinctive credibility of reformed offenders and a focused comparison with alternatives to support its position. The main limitation is that the claim that they are the best speakers is accepted with little qualification about suitability or safeguarding. The highest-priority refinement is to acknowledge that condition briefly while preserving the clear line of argument.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response fully addresses the proposition, maintains an unequivocal position, and develops persuasive reasons through explanation and comparison.
Briefly qualify that suitable, genuinely reformed speakers should be selected to make the conclusion even more robust.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument is exceptionally easy to follow, with purposeful paragraphing and cohesive links that never feel mechanical.
Retain this clear progression while continuing to make each paragraph serve one distinct argumentative function.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is wide-ranging, precise, and natural, including effective distinctions among reformed offenders, authority figures, and credible sources.
Continue using this degree of precision while keeping register consistently formal, for example preferring teenagers to teens.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex grammatical structures are used flexibly and accurately, with consistently clear and controlled sentences.
Maintain this accuracy while varying sentence length occasionally to give key conclusions even greater emphasis.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people who have been in prison become good citizens later, and it is often argued that these are the best people to talk to teenagers about the dangers of committing a crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.