In some countries the percentage of 15 year-olds in the population is already significant and is continuing to grow. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?
Sample Response
In the modern eracontemporary epoch, there is irrefutable debate among peoplefolk about the younger demographic structure in numerous nations in contrast to the past. While it is possible to petition that owing to numerous upsides such as teens are the key valuable assets and young labour workforce. My perspective is that merits outweigh the demerits. In this essay, I am going to examine both sidesedges in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin with, There are many peopleThere is copious folk who argue that the benefits of a large proportion of young peoplea vast portion of youth considerably outweigh its disadvantages. The most significant advantageThe most preponderant is that beyond doubt they are more energetic and passionate and can take part in various aspects of life. for instance, the more teenager in a country they can learn their education and after graduation, they start up their business. In addition to this, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does peopleone benefit more when it comes to being effective, but people can enhance their productivity and quality of lifethey can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand themout in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand, anotherAnother pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas. Besides, when only one follows a system, can they broaden their horizons, hence learning suchthese attributes as dedication and perseverance. Asas a result, it is apparent why many people do not support a large population of minorsmyriad is not in the patronage of the minors population. to cite an example, senior persons have more knowledge and practical skills and they can outperform in a bunch of fields and can compete for any obstacles and challenges thus, the downsides of the stated topic are not undeniable.
In athe nutshell, based on the preceding argumentsaccording to the forenamed quarrels. DeleteAlthough there are some non-negligible negative impacts of immature generations. Howeverhowever, the benefitsfestivity or fruitful advantages it offersbeholds in it far outweigh the ill effects.
Why this response received Band 5.0
The response maintains a clear overall preference and uses a basic advantage-versus-disadvantage structure. However, the ideas are thin, repetitive, and sometimes obscured by unsuitable stock phrases and frequent grammatical errors, especially in the disadvantages paragraph. The priority is to replace memorised wording with two directly explained, concrete arguments and express each point in shorter, accurately controlled sentences.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear preference is stated, but both sides are developed through vague or sometimes confusing claims rather than sustained, relevant reasoning.
Explain one specific benefit and one specific drawback through clear cause-and-effect reasoning before weighing them directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
The four-paragraph structure and basic signposting are visible, although repetition, formulaic transitions, and unclear links weaken progression.
Give each body paragraph one controlling idea and connect every supporting sentence directly to that idea.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a broad vocabulary, but frequent inappropriate word choices and unnatural collocations often obscure the intended meaning.
Prefer familiar, precise vocabulary and check each collocation instead of relying on elaborate memorised expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors with sentence boundaries, agreement, articles, plurals, and capitalisation reduce clarity.
Build shorter complete sentences first, then proofread systematically for agreement and article errors.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In some countries the percentage of 15 year-olds in the population is already significant and is continuing to grow. Are there more advantages or disadvantages to this trend?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.