The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
The ever changing society we live in these days is unfortunately characterized byacclaimed with increasing rates of crime making it a very unsafe place to live in for everyone. children'schildren safety is compromised where disturbing offences such as abduction and variousany kinds of abuse are more prevalent thesethee days. For this reasonDue to this reason, the use of mobile phones, particularly among children, has been consideredmobile phones particularly by children, have been considered as a must to address this issue. Parents or guardians nowadays have supplied their own children with mobile phones as a reassuring safety deviceas a means of a safety reassuring device. Both parties benefit more from the technical use of a mobile phone especially in the conditions in which we liveconditions we live, where dangers can arise at any point in time. If children's safety is threatenedShould safety be compromised from children, they can easily contact their parents or other members within the family, and other appropriate persons, such as the police, who are also concerned aboutwho is also concerned of their well being. This easy communication access allowsaccess, allows for relatives or the receiver on the line to act for safety in a timely manner. Furthermore, parents have the peace of mind aboutease of mind to their children's whereabouts. The high technology of mobile phones allow them to easily contact or be informed with updates about their children's day. On the other hand, I believe such a devicesuch device is not a necessity for children in surviving this world evolved with crimes and complexities. Firstly, education can be provided to the young ones regardingin regards to safety practices. This refers to knowing who can be trusted and not associating withto strangers, never be physically in isolation and must be in large groups, and last but not least, informing them of where and who to go for safety, such as teachers, councillors or the police. These are very simple and cost effective, yet very effective ways in minimising and preventing dangers that can happen to children. Secondly, it is understandably important for parents to be aware of their children's day, however, constant communication which is considered as vital, can also interfere with these children's development of independence. Lastly, the use of mobile phones opensopen endless opportunities of social and online gaming use, which can impact their interpersonal skills with other people and predispose them to violence. Evidently children are potentially exposed to dangerpotentially imposed to dangers with their use of mobile phones. To conclude, although the device providesprovide security for children while living in a troublesome and complicated world, I strongly believe it is unnecessary and inappropriate for children to own a mobile phone. Education and proper guidance should be provided for these children in order to live safely in this kind of environment we live in.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response engages thoughtfully with both the safety benefits and the drawbacks of children owning phones, and it ultimately states a clear position. Its main weakness is that frequent awkward collocations, agreement errors, and the absence of paragraph breaks reduce clarity and polish. Prioritise organising the argument into distinct paragraphs and revising recurring sentence-level errors so that the developed ideas are expressed more precisely and smoothly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses the claim from both perspectives and reaches a clear, relevant conclusion supported by several developed reasons.
State the disagreement clearly in the introduction and support the central objections with more specific examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument progresses logically through benefits, alternatives, and drawbacks, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens its structure.
Divide the essay into a clear introduction, focused body paragraphs, and a conclusion, with each paragraph centred on one main purpose.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonably broad vocabulary, although frequent inaccurate collocations and word choices make several sentences sound unnatural.
Replace awkward combinations with precise forms such as peace of mind, children's safety, and communicate updates about their day.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted and meaning remains clear, but agreement, article, preposition, and punctuation errors recur throughout.
Proofread systematically for subject-verb agreement, articles, possessives, and sentence boundaries before refining more complex structures.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
The dangers and complexities of the modern world have made the mobile phone an absolute necessity for children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.