More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work, such as teaching and building houses for communities in poorer countries. What are the reasons for this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?
Sample Response
There has been an ongoing trend of many young people from wealthy countriesprosperous nations deciding to spend a short period doing voluntary workspend their time doing voluntary work in underprivileged countries. Some of the mainprominent reasons for this phenomenon will be discussed before the benefits for both volunteers and developing countriesbenefits of both individuals and developing countries are analyzed.
There are several convincing reasons associated with this practice. The most significant factor is that doing such unpaid work in poor countries would be an advantage for young peoplea comparative advantage for the young when applying for a job in the future. In other words, in this highly competitive job marketfierce and competitive job market, a candidate possessing an application file accompanied by only great scores could not be the ideal one that a recruiter is looking forrecruiter is finding; therefore, he or she needs outstanding volunteering experience to be able to compete with other candidatesrivals. Another reason that is worth mentioning is that young peoplegenerations could develop a sense of communityengender the feeling of community when participating in unpaid work. Their voluntary efforts help to emphasize the value of sharinggive prominence to the value of sharing and the sense of social responsibility to promote human welfaresecure improved humanity and international awareness of disadvantaged communitiesinternational awareness about disadvantaged places.
There is no doubt thatIt is undoubted that both the young volunteers and developing countriesunderdeveloped or developing countries could equally gain from this phenomenon. Regarding the young, it is apparent that the aforementioned meaningful work not only brings the volunteers unforgettable life lessons, gives them hands–on experience but also helps expand their network of relationships. As a result, they gradually grow more mature and confident, realizing the diversity of life by getting to know many walks of people. In regard to poorer countries, they may have a chance to raise the living standards of their residentsdwellers. For instance, knowledge related to environmental protection or health care which they have acquired from overseas volunteers may subsequently improve their living conditionspossibly improves their living conditions afterwards.
To sum up, the requirement of a more competitive profile and the determination to support financially disadvantaged countries are the two principal elements that make young people join a wide range of voluntary activities. I would contend that both the volunteers and the community are the beneficiaries of the practice above.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response is strongest in its clear organisation and relevant explanation of why young people volunteer, with employability and social responsibility developed coherently. Its main limitation is that the comparison of benefits is uneven: advantages for volunteers are explained in detail, while the claim that communities benefit equally rests on a brief, speculative example. Develop the community side with a concrete causal explanation before justifying the equal-benefit conclusion.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both questions are addressed with clear reasons and a definite equal-benefit position, although the community benefits receive limited development.
Support the comparison by explaining in detail how lasting community gains match the volunteers' personal and professional gains.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically through reasons and benefits, with effective paragraphing and generally clear cohesive links.
Tighten long explanatory sentences and make the transition from individual benefits to community benefits more explicitly comparative.
Lexical Resource
A broad vocabulary supports the discussion, but recurring awkward collocations and imprecise choices reduce naturalness.
Replace strained phrases with precise natural combinations, particularly when describing recruitment, social responsibility, and local residents.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A varied range of complex structures is used with generally good control, despite occasional errors in articles, agreement, and parallel construction.
Proofread multi-part sentences for balanced structures, especially constructions using not only and but also.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time doing unpaid work, such as teaching and building houses for communities in poorer countries. What are the reasons for this? Who benefits more from this, the communities or these young people?
Your response
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