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General Training · Task 2 · response A
General Training G类 · Task 2
官方评分4.0分
WRITING TASK 2
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. However, some people feel that this has both positive and negative effects.
Why is shopping so popular?
What effects does its increase in popularity have on individuals and on society?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
同题对照
这篇考生拿了4.0分,换你来写呢?
先自己写,再往下读考官评语,你和这篇的差距一眼就能看出来。
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完整考生作文
I think shopping is becoming more and more popular as a leisure activity. For example Tee Tree Plaza Shopping Cener as a biggest shopping center in Adelaide. I'm working at the take way shop in the T.T.P Shopping Center. There are huge number of costmer working around in the center every day. Many people buy lots of foods, drinks, clothes and they are hand carry or they put in the trolly. On the other hand some peple are only window shopping.
I sometime worry about people who bought many things into trollys, because I think may be they are use money alot, and also some ladies who wear a looks expencive juellies. I have one friend who bankrupt his self, because he had a expencive car, a expencive cloth, etc. I think bad effect is many loan campany established these year. People easy to borrow money from loan campany and easy to go to bankalpt. People must concider about when they go to the shopping. Therefore before buy something people must consider about shopping such as for your self.
官方考官完整点评
The first part of the task (Why is shopping so popular?) is not addressed. The opening paragraph describes a large shopping centre but does not tell us why shopping is popular. The second paragraph presents the effect on individuals, but not on society as a whole. We can see that the writer thinks there are negative effects but the main ideas presented do not relate directly to this question. The relationship between ideas can be followed but there is a lack of progression in relation to the question. Some cohesive devices are used, but not always correctly and this leads to some repetition. Spelling errors are intrusive and cause strain. There is some relevant vocabulary, but overall the range is inadequate for the task. Frequent errors in syntax, verb phrases and articles keep the rating down, despite basic structures being present. The failure to address the task and the weaknesses in vocabulary and grammar limit this response to an overall Band 4.