The table below gives data on the hour of leisure time per year for people in Someland.
Sample Response
The data presented in the table outlines how much leisure time people from different age groups spend yearly in Someland. It is obvious that watching TV is a popular form of free-time activity for Somelanders. According to the figures, watching TV is a common recreation among people in Someland, teenagers and elder people watch TV even more. They spend over a thousand hours per year to watch different TV programmes while it ranges from 400 to 700 hours among others. Young people have more friends to socialize while this number decreases when they grow up. Teens spend as much as 350 hours socializing with 4 or more friends while it is only 25 to 50 hours for adults and elders. On the contrary, people in their thirties spend the highest time socializing with fewer people. Individual exercise is preferred by people in their 30s and 40s while group exercise is more popular among teenagers. Elder people mostly refrain from doing exercises in their free time. Watching cinema is not a common leisure activity among Somelanders and teenagers spend 100 hours doing so which is higher than time spent in this pursuit by citizens of other ages.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use gerund after duration Original: over a thousand hours per year to watch Suggested revision: over a thousand hours per year watching Why it matters: A time duration is naturally followed by a gerund describing the activity.
- 2. Name comparison group Original: among others Suggested revision: among the other age groups Why it matters: The revision clearly identifies the people represented by the remaining columns.
- 3. Use comparison transition Original: On the contrary Suggested revision: By contrast Why it matters: The sentence contrasts age-group patterns rather than contradicting a previous claim.
- 4. Use time collocation Original: highest Suggested revision: most Why it matters: The standard expression is 'spend the most time'.
- 5. Match table category Original: socializing with fewer people Suggested revision: socializing with four or fewer people Why it matters: The table's category is specifically socialising with four or fewer people.
- 6. Use appropriate age term Original: Elder Suggested revision: Older Why it matters: 'Older people' is the natural adjective-noun phrase.
- 7. Use activity collocation Original: Watching cinema Suggested revision: Going to the cinema Why it matters: People 'go to the cinema' rather than 'watch cinema'.
- 8. Use natural yearly phrase Original: people from different age groups spend yearly Suggested revision: people in different age groups have each year Why it matters: The revision fits the question 'how much leisure time' and uses a natural time expression.
- 9. Use overview signal Original: It is obvious that Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: The concise overview marker is more objective and appropriate for a data report.
- 10. Remove redundant wording Original: a popular form of free-time activity Suggested revision: a popular leisure activity Why it matters: 'Leisure activity' expresses the idea without repeating 'free time'.
- 11. Clarify pronoun reference Original: it ranges from 400 to 700 hours Suggested revision: viewing time ranges from 400 to 700 hours Why it matters: The noun phrase clearly identifies what the figures measure.
- 12. State figure directly Original: as much as 350 hours Suggested revision: 350 hours Why it matters: The table gives an exact value, so the emphatic phrase is unnecessary.
Suggested Rewrites
- over a thousand hours per year to watch over a thousand hours per year watching
- among others among the other age groups
- On the contrary By contrast
- highest most
- socializing with fewer people socializing with four or fewer people
- Elder Older
Why this response received Band 6.5
The report selects the main age patterns accurately, especially the dominance of television, younger people's greater group socialising and sport, and the thirties group's preference for smaller gatherings. Its main limitation is an overview focused almost entirely on television, with a few age comparisons compressed or slightly overstated. Prioritise a broader overview contrasting younger, middle-aged, and older leisure profiles before giving selected figures.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Most major patterns and representative figures are accurate, but the overview is narrow and the equal 350-hour figure for people in their twenties is omitted.
Summarise that television dominates all ages, group activities decline with age, and smaller-group socialising peaks in the thirties, then support each pattern selectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves coherently by activity from television and socialising to exercise and cinema, but one-paragraph presentation limits clarity.
Use an overview plus detail paragraphs grouping passive activities and social or physical activities.
Lexical Resource
A suitable range of leisure and comparison vocabulary is used, with some repetition and a few unnatural expressions.
Prefer 'older people', 'spend time socialising', 'four or fewer people', 'cinema attendance', and 'hours devoted to this activity'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Most structures communicate comparisons clearly, though comma splices, article choices, and reference problems appear occasionally.
Separate independent clauses and use precise subjects, especially in the sentence comparing television hours for teenagers, older people, and other age groups.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below gives data on the hour of leisure time per year for people in Someland.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.