The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city.
Sample Response
The bar graph illustrates the number of people from two age groups (25–35 and 55–65) who joined six different leisure clubs in a small city.
Overall, younger people showed a strong preference for cycling and arts and crafts, while older individuals were more inclined towards gardening.
In detail, cycling was the most popular choice among the younger group, attracting around 65 members, in contrast to just 10 participants from the older group. Conversely, gardening appealed more to those aged 55–65, with approximately 55 members, compared to only 25 younger participants. Photography was equally popular among both age groups, with about 45 members each.
Furthermore, fitness clubs had the highest number of participants, overall, with more than 100 members, split evenly between the two groups. Arts and crafts clubs attracted nearly 60 younger people, whereas only 20 older individuals joined. Lastly, music clubs had over 100 members, with a slightly higher number of young people participating compared to the older group.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use exact value Original: around 65 members Suggested revision: 65 members Why it matters: The bar reaches 65, so the exact figure is clearer than an approximation.
- 2. Use concise comparison Original: just 10 participants from the older group Suggested revision: 10 older members Why it matters: This wording is more concise and keeps the membership terminology consistent.
- 3. Report exact value Original: approximately 55 members Suggested revision: 55 members Why it matters: The gardening bar is at 55, so an exact figure is available.
- 4. State equal values Original: about 45 members each Suggested revision: 45 members each Why it matters: Both photography bars are exactly 45, making approximation unnecessary.
- 5. Use chart figure Original: nearly 60 younger people Suggested revision: 60 younger members Why it matters: The arts and crafts figure for the younger group is 60.
- 6. Match chart label Original: music clubs Suggested revision: music/dance clubs Why it matters: The category in the visual is labelled Music/dance, not music alone.
- 7. Add precise comparison Original: with a slightly higher number of young people participating compared to the older group. Suggested revision: with about 53 younger members compared with 50 older members. Why it matters: Giving both plotted values makes the small difference more informative.
- 8. Sentence rewrite Original: Furthermore, fitness clubs had the highest number of participants, overall, with more than 100 members, split evenly between the two groups. Suggested revision: Furthermore, fitness had the highest combined membership, with 55 members aged 25–35 and 50 aged 55–65. Why it matters: The combined total is the highest, but the two age groups are not evenly represented.
- 9. Broaden the overview Suggested revision: Add that younger membership is higher in four clubs, equal for photography, and lower only for gardening. Why it matters: This would summarise the chart's main cross-group pattern rather than only naming the most popular clubs.
Suggested Rewrites
- around 65 members 65 members
- just 10 participants from the older group 10 older members
- approximately 55 members 55 members
- about 45 members each 45 members each
- nearly 60 younger people 60 younger members
- music clubs music/dance clubs
Why this response received Band 8.0
The response gives a clear, well-organised overview and accurately covers all six clubs with effective comparisons between the age groups. Its main limitation is a small data-accuracy lapse in describing fitness participation as evenly split, while the chart shows a slight difference. The highest-priority improvement is to qualify close figures precisely and ensure every comparative claim reflects the visual exactly.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response presents a clear overview and accurately selects and compares nearly all key figures, with only a minor inaccuracy about the fitness split.
Describe the fitness figures as approximately balanced rather than evenly split so the comparison matches the chart precisely.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information progresses logically through a clear introduction, overview, and grouped detail paragraphs, with cohesive devices used effectively.
Refine transitions within the final paragraph so the sequence of categories feels slightly less list-like.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied, precise, and natural for chart description, with effective language for preferences, contrasts, and participation levels.
Use more exact qualifying language for close but unequal values to sharpen the precision of comparisons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of simple and complex structures is handled accurately, and the response is almost entirely error-free.
Polish punctuation by removing unnecessary interrupting commas, such as those around 'overall', to make sentences fully controlled.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar graph below represents data about the clubs joined by people of two different age groups at a leisure centre in a small city.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.