Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
Some believe that fierce sports like mixed martial arts, fencing, and boxing promote aggression and desensitize viewers to violence, and therefore should be banned from media and international competitions. I tend to disagree as I understand that these sports have cultural and historical significance, their portrayal can be seen as a form of artistic expression, and they are conducted in a controlled environment with safety protocols in place.
One crucial reason for the acceptance of such sports in media and international competitions is their cultural and historical significance. These sports often have deep-rooted traditions and rituals that hold great importance for specific communities and societies. For instance, traditional martial arts like judo and kung fu are not only competitive sports but also essential elements of cultural heritage in their respective countries. Banning such sports could result in the loss of valuable cultural practices that have been passed down through generations.
Furthermore, the representation of fierce sports in media and competitions can serve as a platform for promoting understanding and appreciation of different cultures. Consider the Olympic Games, where combat sports like boxing and taekwondo are celebrated as part of the global event. The inclusion of such sports allows athletes from diverse backgrounds to showcase their skills and foster mutual respect among nations. The controlled and regulated environment in which these events take place makes sure that they are not violent and harmful. Organizations governing such sports have implemented strict rules and safety measures to ensure the well-being of athletes. For example, in professional boxing matches, referees closely monitor the bout, and medical teams are present to provide immediate assistance in case of injuries.
In conclusion, while there are concerns about the potential negative effects of violent sports in media and international competitions, their cultural and historical significance, as well as the controlled environment in which they take place, provide valid justifications for their acceptance.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise category Original: fierce Suggested revision: combat Why it matters: “Combat sports” is the conventional and more precise term for these activities.
- 2. Match the medium Original: media Suggested revision: television Why it matters: “Television” matches the specific medium named in the task more precisely than “media.”
- 3. State reason directly Original: I tend to disagree as I understand that Suggested revision: I disagree because Why it matters: The shorter phrase presents the writer's reasoning more directly.
- 4. Use concise phrasing Original: One crucial reason for the acceptance of such sports Suggested revision: One key reason to permit such sports Why it matters: The revision removes an abstract noun construction while preserving the argument.
- 5. Natural collocation Original: hold great importance for Suggested revision: are highly important to Why it matters: “Important to” is the more natural collocation for communities and societies.
- 6. Refine category term Original: fierce Suggested revision: combat Why it matters: “Combat sports” is a neutral and established label for the examples discussed.
- 7. Clarify reference Original: the Suggested revision: this Why it matters: “This” clearly refers back to the Olympic Games in the same sentence.
- 8. Correct the claim Original: makes sure that they are not violent and harmful Suggested revision: helps minimise harm to participants Why it matters: Regulation can reduce harm, but it does not make combat sports non-violent.
- 9. Use formal phrasing Original: in case of injuries Suggested revision: in the event of injury Why it matters: The revised phrase is more concise and formal in this context.
- 10. Use direct verb Original: provide valid justifications for their acceptance Suggested revision: justify their continued acceptance Why it matters: The direct verb makes the concluding claim more concise.
- 11. Signal the topic shift Suggested revision: Add a clear transition when moving from cultural representation to safety regulation, then keep the rules and boxing illustration together. Why it matters: The paragraph changes from cultural value to athlete safety without clearly marking the shift.
Suggested Rewrites
- fierce combat
- media television
- I tend to disagree as I understand that I disagree because
- One crucial reason for the acceptance of such sports One key reason to permit such sports
- hold great importance for are highly important to
- fierce combat
Why this response received Band 7.5
Your response presents a clear, sustained disagreement and develops its strongest case through relevant cultural and safety examples. Its main limitation is that television coverage and international competition are often treated as one issue, while the promised artistic-expression point is not developed. Prioritise analysing those two settings separately and support each reason with a more precise explanation of why a ban would be unjustified.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response maintains a clear position and supports it with relevant, generally well-developed cultural and safety arguments.
Develop the artistic-expression claim and analyse television coverage separately from participation in competitions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas progress logically through clear paragraphs, although the third paragraph combines cultural promotion and safety regulation rather densely.
Give each major justification its own focused paragraph and make the relationship between examples and claims more explicit.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective topic-specific language despite a few awkward choices such as "fierce sports."
Choose more neutral, exact terms for combat sports and avoid slightly overstated or imprecise formulations.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A wide range of complex structures is used accurately, and the few minor awkward constructions do not impede communication.
Refine coordination and clause boundaries in longer sentences to make already strong grammar more concise and natural.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people think that sports involving violence, such as boxing and martial arts, should be banned from TV as well as from international sporting competitions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.