In many countries, the law says that people must attend school until they become 18 years old. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?
Sample Response
It has been observed that in several nations, either developed or underdeveloped, the constitution focus on the compulsory attendance of masses in school till they become adult. In my perspective, it is more lucrative for individuals to get employment and ameliorate their living standards.
To begin withTo commence with, looking at its advantageous aspects, if people receive an educationget education until they reach adulthood,till they become mature; then, they can get a suitable jobthe desired job. For exampleTo exemplify it, education assists the masses in acquiring basic mathematical skillsknowledge about basic mathematical skills such as subtraction and addition, while also improving communication skills in the languagesuch as basic subtraction, addition and also improving communication skills in the language. It prepares the masses for future jobs. After completing their secondary education, they will be able to earn bread and butter, and their small earning also help them to get territory education get more wages after getting a degree. Moreover, they can alsothey also can improve their lifestylesmake their lifestyle better as they will understand cleanliness, moral values, and kindnessbe aware of tidiness, moral values, and kind gestures. In this way, they will be able to lead a prosperous life.
On the other hand, some people believesome persons opine that attending schoolattending a school will not help them to make both ends meet. It takes a lot of time to gain knowledgecollect the knowledge. Besides, paying school fees areis an expensive affair. They only focus on their present, and they are entirely unaware of the future outcomes. However, in reality, such peoplesuch kinds of people often earn lower wagesalways get lower wages than literate people. They are neither capable of obtaining further education nor securing white-collar jobsgetting an education nor white-collar jobs. As a matter of fact, they are unable to upgrade their living standards. Thus, initial education greatly helps people stay informed and develop balanced personalitieshelps masses alot to make them up to date and have a balanced personality.
To conclude, in consideration of the above analysis, it is ostensible that attending school is mandatory for the persons to upgrade their lifestyle and to make both ends meet. It has other additional benefits, namely acquiring moral values, a kind gesture, and to name but a few. Certainly, the benefits are greater than the demerits.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response states a consistent view and organizes the discussion into recognizable advantages, disadvantages, and a conclusion. Its main limitation is that the disadvantage analysis becomes confused and is often replaced by claims about the consequences of being uneducated, while frequent collocation and grammar problems weaken clarity. The highest-priority improvement is to develop genuine drawbacks of compulsory schooling before rebutting them, using simpler, more accurate language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response presents a clear conclusion and relevant advantages, but its treatment of disadvantages is limited and partly diverted from the question.
Explain at least one genuine drawback of compulsory schooling to age eighteen before showing why the benefits outweigh it.
Coherence and Cohesion
The broad paragraph structure is clear, but vague references and weak logical connections disrupt progression within the body paragraphs.
Build each body paragraph as a controlled chain from topic sentence to explanation, example, and explicit link to the position.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations sometimes make ideas difficult to follow.
Use familiar words accurately and verify collocations instead of relying on less common vocabulary that does not fit the context.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There is an attempt to vary sentence forms, but frequent errors with agreement, articles, and clause construction reduce accuracy.
Simplify overloaded sentences and systematically check subject-verb agreement, articles, and clause boundaries.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
In many countries, the law says that people must attend school until they become 18 years old. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.