Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
Some people think that entertainers such as film stars, pop musicians or sports stars are paid too much money and I also feel that is true. I totally agree with this thought. Let's discuss in details.
In today's world, we can categorise these entertainers are the highest earners in the society. Their earning is much higher than most of the people. This difference also leads to the making of more poor people within the society. I will describe in my view why these high salaries are unfair.Firstly, entertainers are also doing their job as other people in the world. Each and every individual in the workforce are giving some support to make the national income in a country. Therefore it is unfair to pay very big salaries to fewer people. Furthermore, payments should be done according to the job type, not considering the popularity.
Secondly, these people earn much higher than well-educated ones in the society like doctors, engineers, accountants etc. It is not the best practise knowledge and wisdom are less valued here. This will definitely discourage young people to be professionals. Thirdly, paying very high salaries to the film stars, sports stars or musicians makes an unfair situation to the poor people who are working very hard to make ends meet. Most of the government servants might not get good wages as the government cannot arrange the money since entertainers are highly paid. We should not forget that these payment made by the government from everyone's money.
To sum up I also feel that entertainers are highly paid and I think these payment systems should be done an intelligent and fairly way than this. I think salary scales must be designed very fairly than present. Wages might be plan considering various measures such as how hard is the job, educational level, profession. Moreover professionals like doctors, engineers, accountants, lecturers should be highly paid since it encourages society to be educated. But it is also should be at a balanced level.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Add reference pronoun Original: feel that is true Suggested revision: feel that this is true Why it matters: The clause needs 'this' as its subject.
- 2. Use view precisely Original: thought Suggested revision: view Why it matters: 'View' is the natural noun for an opinion under discussion.
- 3. Use singular detail Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: The fixed expression is 'in detail.'
- 4. Correct categorise pattern Original: are Suggested revision: as Why it matters: The verb 'categorise' takes 'as' before the category.
- 5. Use plural earnings Original: Their earning is Suggested revision: Their earnings are Why it matters: General income from work is normally expressed with plural 'earnings.'
- 6. Compare like quantities Original: higher than most of the people Suggested revision: higher than those of most people Why it matters: Earnings must be compared with other earnings rather than with people.
- 7. Express poverty naturally Original: making of more poor people Suggested revision: creation of greater poverty Why it matters: The original phrase is unnatural and treats 'poor' incorrectly as a count noun.
- 8. Fix comparison form Original: are also doing their job as Suggested revision: do their jobs like Why it matters: The revised form gives correct agreement and a natural comparison.
- 9. Correct income collocation Original: make the national income Suggested revision: contribute to national income Why it matters: Workers contribute to national income rather than 'make' it.
- 10. Use formal salary phrase Original: very big salaries Suggested revision: extremely high salaries Why it matters: 'High' is the standard adjective for salary levels.
- 11. Use number phrase Original: to fewer people Suggested revision: to a small number of people Why it matters: 'Fewer' requires an explicit comparison, which is absent here.
- 12. Use pay collocation Original: payments should be done Suggested revision: pay should be determined Why it matters: Pay is determined or set, not 'done.'
Suggested Rewrites
- feel that is true feel that this is true
- thought view
- details detail
- are as
- Their earning is Their earnings are
- higher than most of the people higher than those of most people
Why this response received Band 5.5
The essay states a consistent position and offers several reasons why entertainers’ earnings seem unfair, while also identifying professions that deserve higher pay. Its main limitation is uneven development: the second question is answered mainly in the conclusion, and claims about poverty and government wages are weakly supported. The priority is to build a separate, logically explained case for the alternative occupations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear agreement position is maintained and both questions are addressed, but several reasons are asserted without convincing support and the proposed highly paid jobs receive minimal development.
Dedicate one body paragraph to why doctors, engineers, accountants, or lecturers merit higher pay, using a clear principle and concrete explanation.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay uses recognisable paragraphs and numbered points, but progression is mechanical, some ideas are loosely connected, and the conclusion repeats rather than synthesises.
Organise one paragraph around entertainer pay and another around deserving occupations, with each paragraph developing one central claim.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficient to discuss earnings, fairness, and professions, but frequent inaccurate collocations and word forms reduce precision and naturalness.
Replace phrases such as ‘making of more poor people’ and ‘salary scales designed fairly than present’ with clear standard comparisons.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning is usually recoverable, but frequent agreement, article, verb-form, clause, and comparative errors occur across nearly every paragraph.
Prioritise complete clause structures and subject–verb agreement, then check passive forms such as ‘wages should be planned’.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.