Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Sample Response
It is certainly true that people in entertainmentglamour industry as well as sportspeople getsports persons, get very high salariesa very high remuneration. However, I believeopine that occupations such as teachers, scientists, and social activiststeachers, scientists, social activists, etc. must be paid high salariespaid a large amount as well. There are myriad reasons to support this argument. Firstly, large endorsement payments to famous personalitieshigh endorsements to famous personalities would discourage ordinary peoplethe common people and they may develop negative thoughts about lower-paid jobs. Thisless paid jobs. This creates a discouragingdeterring effect on society. Secondly, young people are unduly influencedyoungsters become imaginatively affected and sometimes may be distracted from their actual goalscarried away from their actual goals. However, entertainers also face certain difficultiesvexes; one of them is thatone among them is they can work only until a certain agethey can work for a limited age only (about 30-35 years) and they retire earlierthey get retired earlier. Therefore, it becomesTherefore it becomes essential for them to secure their futuresecure their further future for which money is required. On the other hand, if we consider less paid jobs, for instance, people in the teaching professionthe people in teaching field play a vital role because they lay down the foundation for children and in turn produce skilled citizensskill full citizens of a country. Moreover, Scientists devoteindulge their valuable time in various discoveries and inventions to provide comfort to mankind. Furthermore, social workers bring awareness in the society which helps a country to develop. Owing to the above reasons, it is clear that people in the above-mentioned fields are important for a common man and a society. Hence they must be highly paid. In the conclusion, I believe that the jobs that deal with the betterment of denizens should not be ignored and they must be paid more so as to inculcate an interest in people to opt such fields.
Why this response received Band 6.0
The response identifies socially valuable occupations and explains why teachers, scientists, and social workers deserve higher pay, with the teaching example providing the strongest support. Its main limitation is that the writer never clearly decides whether entertainers are overpaid, instead alternating between criticism of celebrity earnings and justification based on short careers. Prioritise an explicit answer to the first question and compare pay using contribution, scarcity, and career risk.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The second question is answered with several relevant occupations, but the position on whether entertainers are overpaid remains unclear.
State explicit agreement or disagreement about entertainers' pay and justify it before comparing other professions on consistent criteria.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ideas move broadly from celebrity pay to other occupations, but the single-block format and shifting stance weaken progression.
Use separate paragraphs for the position on entertainers, alternative professions, and the final comparative judgement.
Lexical Resource
The response attempts a fairly broad vocabulary, though several word choices and collocations are awkward or inaccurate.
Refine phrases such as 'high endorsements', 'become imaginatively affected', 'face certain vexes', and 'indulge their valuable time'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates meaning, but agreement, articles, punctuation, and clause-pattern errors recur.
Check complete clause construction and article use, especially in sentences about entertainers' careers and professional contributions.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Some people feel that entertainers (e.g. film stars, pop musicians or sports stars) are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which other types of job should be highly paid?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.