Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. So companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Sample Response
In recent years, the role of women in society as well as in job sectors has changed to a great extent. However, it is noteworthy that higher positions in firms are still occupied by men, although women account for half of the workforce in many developed countries. While some people claim that women should be promoted more to hold these positions, I disagree with this idea as I believe that higher positions should be served by deserving people and should not be allocated based on gender. First, recruiting for higher positions in a company should never be based on gender, but qualifications, skills and aptitudes. This is because choosing people who cannot adapt to the working conditions will make companies confront many difficulties - even this can affect the profit, productivity and the public image. For instance, in my brother’s workplace, two women were recruited in two higher positions only because they were relatives of the owner. Within a few months, the management had to replace both of them with more competent employees. Therefore, a company should always choose the best people to serve their important positions. If a female candidate seems more promising or if an existing female employee has excellent capabilities, there should not be any problem in recruiting or promoting a woman in a higher position. Again, if percentage or number is the most crucial factor, I believe children should also be promoted to higher positions in a company in a developing country as their percentage in factories and industries in those countries is also high. This exemplifies why qualifications should get priority over other aspects when it comes to hiring people for higher management positions in a company. In conclusion, I strongly believe that employees should be recruited according to their expertise, eligibilities and talent. It is therefore recommended that women who want to play important roles in an organisation should gain those qualifications and skills. They should not be favoured only because of their gender.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use natural setting Original: in job sectors Suggested revision: in the workplace Why it matters: “The workplace” is the natural general term for women's employment roles.
- 2. Use concise adverb Original: changed to a great extent Suggested revision: changed considerably Why it matters: The adverb expresses the same degree more concisely.
- 3. Fix promotion phrase Original: women should be promoted more to hold these positions Suggested revision: women should be promoted more often into these positions Why it matters: “More often” expresses frequency, and employees are promoted “into” positions.
- 4. Use correct position verb Original: served Suggested revision: held Why it matters: People hold positions; positions are not “served.”
- 5. Use formal basis phrase Original: allocated based on gender Suggested revision: allocated on the basis of gender Why it matters: The revised prepositional phrase is clearer in formal writing.
- 6. Restore parallel preposition Original: but qualifications, skills and aptitudes Suggested revision: but on qualifications, skills, and aptitudes Why it matters: Repeating “on” creates a parallel contrast with “based on gender.”
- 7. Fix causative collocation Original: make companies confront Suggested revision: cause companies to face Why it matters: The natural causative structure is “cause” plus an infinitive.
- 8. Separate independent clauses Original: difficulties - even this Suggested revision: difficulties; this Why it matters: A semicolon correctly joins the closely related independent clauses.
- 9. Use parallel general nouns Original: the profit, productivity and the public image Suggested revision: profits, productivity, and public image Why it matters: The list needs consistent general nouns without mismatched articles.
- 10. Fix recruitment preposition Original: recruited in two higher positions Suggested revision: recruited for two senior positions Why it matters: Candidates are recruited “for” positions, not “in” them.
- 11. Use correct verb Original: serve their important positions Suggested revision: fill its important positions Why it matters: Employees fill positions, and the singular company takes the possessive “its.”
- 12. Use concise construction Original: there should not be any problem in Suggested revision: there should be no problem with Why it matters: This construction is more concise and takes a gerund naturally.
Suggested Rewrites
- in job sectors in the workplace
- changed to a great extent changed considerably
- women should be promoted more to hold these positions women should be promoted more often into these positions
- served held
- allocated based on gender allocated on the basis of gender
- but qualifications, skills and aptitudes but on qualifications, skills, and aptitudes
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response’s strongest feature is its firm, consistently maintained position that senior appointments should depend on merit, expressed through generally fluent and varied language. Its main limitation is that the nepotism example and comparison with child workers do not directly test the case for quotas among qualified candidates, weakening the argument’s relevance and depth. The highest-priority improvement is to engage with the rationale for quotas and rebut it using focused, credible reasoning.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A clear position is maintained and supported, but key examples conflate gender quotas with unqualified or nepotistic appointments and therefore only partly address the proposal.
Discuss why quotas might be proposed for qualified women, then rebut that rationale with directly relevant evidence or reasoning about fair recruitment.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument follows a broadly clear sequence, but presenting the entire response as one paragraph weakens the visible organisation of its distinct stages.
Separate the introduction, each main supporting idea, and the conclusion into purposeful paragraphs with one controlling point apiece.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is sufficiently varied and often precise, although awkward choices such as served by deserving people and the nonstandard plural eligibilities reduce naturalness.
Use more idiomatic employment collocations, such as positions filled by qualified candidates and expertise, eligibility and talent.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of complex sentences is used with generally accurate control, while occasional article, preposition, and construction errors remain non-impeding.
Review complex clauses for natural complements and parallel structure, especially in sentences comparing recruitment criteria or describing appointments.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. So companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.