Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Sample Response
The roles of men and women have always been controversial topicsThe role of a man and a woman has always been a controversial topic in many respectsfrom a lot of aspects. From employment and parenthood to household responsibilitiesRight from employment to parenthood to the household responsibilities, the perceived rolesthe distinctly perceived statuses of males and females have long been subjects of disputehave been a prolonged subject of dispute. Some people argue that fatherhoodSome people put forth that fatherhood is as essential as motherhoodan equally ineluctable part as motherhood and I completely agree with this statement. In the forthcoming paragraphs, I shall be elucidating my point of view in this regard.
A child’s values and way of living is strongly influencedimmensely induced and affected by the way the childs/he has been brought up. In this case, conservative and antiquated principles have always held women accountable for the way a child is brought up because women were homemakersas they were the homemakers more often than not and spent more of their timewere spending more of their time looking after childrenlooking after the kids than menas compared to men who were supposedly the breadwinnerspenny-makers. However, I feel this logic is completely erroneous in modern societywith reference to the society we are residing in. With women matching up all the skills as much as men in the modern world, a man as well is expected and rather should fit in the shoes of what conventional society had appointed the roles to women. With more women being employed nowadays than ever and with the improvement in women’s statusamelioration in the status of women, the need of the hour is for the men to take on an equal share of household duties and child-rearingtake over the equal responsibilities of the household and the way children are brought up.
Gone are the days whenwhere financial responsibilities were assigned to menfinancial liabilities were ordained to men and women were expected to execute all the family chores in the confinement of the house. With each passing year, the equality and equity among men and women have been ascending more and more. In such a scenario, the best possible scene is the sharing of responsibilities from every point. Yin and Yang is an established principle, and men and women should work in tandem. A child is an equal responsibility of both the father and the mother. In addition to that, the umbrella of parenthood is not inclined towards any gender roles. It is a beautiful concomitance of the values and ethos that parents instill in a child.
Though some might put forth that women are still ordained, the conventional gender roles and upbringing of the children is greatly proportional to the way she inculcates the values in her kids, this thinking is extremely archaic and doesn’t implicate the sense of righteousness. Hence fathers are equally responsible for bringing up the kids.
Conclusively, therefore, raising kids and looking for their upbringing is an equal responsibility of a father as much as it is of a mother.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response maintains a clear position and organises relevant points around changing gender roles and shared parental responsibility. Its main limitation is that the argument becomes repetitive and relies on broad assertions, while ambitious wording often sounds unnatural and occasionally obscures the point. Prioritise developing one concrete reason or example in each body paragraph and expressing it with simpler, more precise language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
A consistent opinion addresses the central issue, but supporting ideas are repetitive and only partly developed with specific evidence.
Extend each main reason with a concrete example showing how equal parenting benefits families or children.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overall sequence is logical and paragraphing supports the argument, although formulaic transitions and repeated claims weaken progression.
Give each body paragraph a distinct purpose and remove repeated statements about equal responsibility.
Lexical Resource
There is a wide attempt at less common vocabulary, but frequent collocational inaccuracies make several expressions unnatural.
Choose precise everyday wording instead of forced items such as ineluctable, ordained, concomitance, and implicate.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response shows varied complex structures, but agreement errors and an overloaded concessive sentence reveal inconsistent control.
Break long sentences into clearly bounded clauses and check that subjects agree with their verbs.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Fatherhood ought to be emphasized as much as motherhood. The idea that women are solely responsible for deciding whether or not to have babies leads on to the idea that they are also responsible for bringing the children up. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.