Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Sample Response
A widely debated question concernsA highly controversial topic today relates to whether people’s happinessgladness is within their own controlunder the control of their responsibility or impacted by external factorsother elements. In this essay, I am going to examine this question from both points of view and then explain why I believe the arguments for individual responsibilityarguments for an individual charge are stronger.
There are philosophersphilosophists who are of the opinion that individual responsibilitythe individual role is the main factor influencing their own happiness. The major reason for believing this is that gladness is a kind of emotion when the brain is sacrificed by a certain matter and this person is the one who decides his or her level of demand in their mind. It is also possible to say that human is the centre which controls their desire. A particularly good example here is meditation and yoga are fantastic manners to balance the human mind so more and more people around the world tend to learn these methods to achieve happiness.
On the other hand, other experts are convinced that external factors such as family, love, or a careerfamily, love or career play a crucial role in individual happinesspleasure. It is often argued that no one can reach true happiness alone, buttrue joy alone but they have to share it with their loved onestheir close-knit ones. A second point is that life is a series of interactions, sointeractions so people can not live without communication with others. One good illustration of this is soft skill classes are found to help learners consider external influencesreflect on external elements to find balance in societyacquire their balance in society.
In conclusion, I believe both arguments have their merits. On balance, however, I feel that happiness is impacted by both external and internal factorsboth external and internal. This is why humans always have to find a way to control themselvesthemself in order to respond appropriately to their surroundingsreact correctly to their surrounding environment.
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response discusses both internal and external influences and follows a recognizable essay structure, so its broad argument remains understandable. Its main limitation is that key explanations and examples are vague or logically unclear, while the stated position shifts between the introduction and conclusion. The highest-priority improvement is to establish one consistent opinion and support each view with a concrete, clearly explained example.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Both views are mentioned, but development is uneven, examples are weakly connected, and the final position does not match the introduction clearly.
State one consistent opinion and explain precisely how personal choices and external circumstances each affect happiness.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and overall sequencing are clear, although progression within body paragraphs is sometimes weakened by unclear logical links.
Use each paragraph's topic sentence to guide a direct chain from claim to explanation to relevant example.
Lexical Resource
There is some range, but frequent inaccurate word choices and collocations make several ideas unnatural or difficult to interpret.
Prioritize accurate common expressions such as 'personal responsibility,' 'well-being,' and 'close relationships' over forced synonyms.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response attempts varied complex structures, but frequent agreement, article, clause, and pronoun errors reduce control and clarity.
Build complex sentences around one complete main clause and check subject-verb agreement and pronoun reference systematically.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that every individual is responsible for their happiness, but people believe there are other external factors that influence us. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.