During the 20th century, contact between different parts of the world has developed rapidly and thanks to air travel and telecommunication for this. To what extent do you agree that societies benefit from the increased contact and closer relationships with foreigners brought by international tourism and business?
Sample Response
It is sometimes argued that increased contact and closer relationshipsinterrelationships between countries bring several benefits to societybenefits to a society and thanks go tothank goes to air travel and telecommunicationstelecommunication for this. Personally, I believe that there are also some negative effects of the above trend, as will now be explained.
There are some downsides to increased commerce and closerincreased relationships between nations in the world. The most significant of these disadvantages is that these trends can weaken national cultureit can weaken national culture and traditions. The main reason is that people can easily adopt aspects of foreign culturesthe aspects of strangers and appealing lifestyles from other countriesmore interesting lifestyles from foreign countries and usually neglect traditional valuesthe traditional values. For example, the tradition of Vietnamese folk songsa stand of Vietnamese folk songs might gradually fade awaymight be gradually faded away because young Vietnamese people tend to opt for more attractive Korean music. The second disadvantage is that in the face of imported goods and services, local producers, especially in less developed countriesin a less developed country, fail to compete with foreign ones in their domestic marketstheir own domestic market, which leads to a number of bankruptciesand then holds back social development, then holds back society from development.
There are some major points to make in favour of increased business and closer relationships worldwide. Firstly, it can drive the world's economy forward. Granted, big corporations such as Microsoft and Apple can easily expand their branches in any cornercorners of the world, and increased business interaction can also create more employment opportunitiesthanks to increased business interaction, which can also create more employment opportunities, especially in developing countriesin a third-world country. Secondly, revenues from tourist activities can contribute to economic growththe economic growth. Undoubtedly, tourism jobs such as photographers and tour guides can help increase local incomesincome for the locals. Finally, the more we share habits, products and services, the better we understand each other, and this reduces prejudice against other nations.
In conclusion, I believe that closer contactthe closer contact and increased commerce worldwide bring about both cons and pros and affordable air travelcheap air flights and mobile communication have accelerated this trendaccelerated that.
Why this response received Band 6.5
This response offers a clear paragraph structure and develops several relevant economic, cultural, and social effects with useful examples. Its main limitation is that the stated position never clearly answers how far societies benefit, and recurring awkward word choices and grammatical slips reduce precision. Prioritise an explicit overall judgement on the extent of benefit, then edit collocations and sentence forms for more natural, controlled expression.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
Relevant advantages and disadvantages are developed with examples, but the response does not clearly state the extent to which societies benefit.
Give an explicit comparative judgement in the introduction and conclusion that directly answers how far the benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response is logically organised into clear thematic paragraphs, and ideas generally progress coherently within each section.
Use transitions to show the relationship between the two sides and the final judgement rather than mainly enumerating points.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary range is sufficient for the topic, but recurring unnatural collocations and word choices reduce precision.
Replace phrases such as aspects of strangers, any corners, and cheap air flights with accurate, idiomatic wording.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the argument clearly, although errors in articles, agreement, form, and phrasing recur.
Proofread complex sentences for article use, singular-plural agreement, and active versus passive verb forms.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
During the 20th century, contact between different parts of the world has developed rapidly and thanks to air travel and telecommunication for this. To what extent do you agree that societies benefit from the increased contact and closer relationships with foreigners brought by international tourism and business?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.