Many people think that money is important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness?
Sample Response
Money has to be among the most vital needson top of that list among all the vital needs a person requires to survive in this moderncruel world. Nowadays, leading a happy life and having a stable bank balance more or less mean the same. This essay will cover some of the key areas like management of family expenses and a better standard of living being dependent on the person’s monetary strength. When it comes to managing the expenses of a family, one aspect that adults never overlooknever fail to overlook is a stable bank balance. Not only does it helpNot only it helps their children in their adult life, but it also becomesbut also it becomes equally crucial for their early development. Aiding children to develop their minds as well as motor skills, parents prefer sending children to playschools. Such schools in large cities such as BangaloreSuch schools which are based in big cities like Bangalore charge even more than regular schools docharge even more than the regular schools. While having a stable financial condition is crucial for early development, it becomes equally important for children to get a quality education from the best institutions possiblethe most sophisticated institutes possible. One reason for this can be the role that educational background plays during the recruitment process in any field, whetherin any field whether in the corporate world or the public sector. Therefore, having a secure future keeps both the children and their parents reassured about the futurerelaxed and satisfied in the future. Not only does having strong financial support help in acquiring a good education and thus a stable life afterwardsand thus, a stable life thereafter, but it also helps people attainbut also it helps in having a good standard of living. Earning a moderate salary in these modern times doesn’t guarantee a healthy living environmenta healthy environment to live in. Nowadays, whether in a city or the countrysidebe it the main city or the countryside, affording spacious accommodation doesn’t come without taking a toll on one’s bank balance. Besides having a safe space to live in, one cannot ignore looking after one’s health which comes at a cost since the recent explosion on social media with regards to fitness. For example, gym memberships, supplements providing nutrients absent from regular diets, and similar products, do not come cheapsupplements for nutrients absent in regular diets, etc do not come cheap. Therefore, money has become a significant means of achievinga significant asset to living a happy, healthy and content life these days. Overall, throughout a person's lifefrom the point where a person starts living to the point where he ceases to exist, money controls more or less every aspect of life. Therefore, every possible privilege that a person can imagine in today’s world cannot be achieved without a strong financial positionstrong monetary state.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response presents a clear view of money's importance and develops it through education, housing, and health, with a generally logical line of argument. Its main limitation is that some claims are overstated or loosely connected, while the lack of paragraph breaks obscures the otherwise clear structure. The highest priority is to organise the two main reasons into distinct paragraphs and qualify broad assertions with sharper analysis.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The task is directly answered with a clear position and relevant reasons that are developed through explanation and examples.
Qualify absolute claims about money and connect each example more explicitly to happiness rather than material provision alone.
Coherence and Cohesion
The argument has clear thematic progression and useful linking, but its single unbroken block and some repetitive transitions weaken organisation.
Create focused introduction, body, and conclusion paragraphs, with each body paragraph centred on one distinct reason.
Lexical Resource
A varied vocabulary conveys abstract ideas effectively, although several collocations are awkward or imprecise.
Choose more natural expressions for financial security and living standards, and avoid inflated wording where a precise term is clearer.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of complex structures is attempted successfully, but recurring problems with inversion, clause construction, and punctuation reduce accuracy.
Check complex sentences carefully for correct auxiliary placement, balanced structures, and clearly attached modifying clauses.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
Many people think that money is important for achieving happiness. What importance does money have regarding happiness?
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.