More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Sample Response
In today's modern world, the number of private cars is increasing tremendously following the development of technology. It, inevitably, causes many unanticipated negative consequences on people's lives due to the overreliance on their cars even for a short distance journey. Therefore, it is important for us to establish the possible side effects on our lives and also the effective measures to cope with this problem.
Admittedly, there are a number of unwanted negative impacts of overuse of private cars. To begin, the physical strength of people will decline over the years and it becomes more noticeable in the late adulthood. People nowadays are too dependent on their own vehicles which cause them to have limited time to exercise so as to maintain good health. Thus, it is not uncommon that many of them to fall in sick easily, especially the children who are vulnerable to diseases. Furthermore, with the increasing number of private cars, traffic problems may become more severe in big cities it may also cause air pollution. People have to spend more time while travelling from one place to another due to heavy traffic jam. In addition, air pollution may have side effects on people's health when they inhale the unfiltered exhaust gases from vehicles.
Nevertheless, there are tonnes of ways which could prove useful and effective in curbing this problem. Firstly, city inhabitants should strive to reduce their dependency on cars. To illustrate, they can choose to brisk walk to the shops nearby whenever they need to buy groceries without driving. It is indirectly giving a valuable opportunity for them to exercise so as to rebuild their bodies and regain health. Besides, it is advisable for the government to promote car pool. It is proven to be one of the effective ways to solve this problem, not only it will reduce the traffic problems which they are now facing every day in a city, but also reduce the exposal of waste effluents from the cars. Sooner or later, they will be able to live healthily in the near future.
In conclusion, there are several unanticipated problems that are caused by overreliance on private cars, however, there are numerous effective ways to tackle this problem. I believe the citizens of our nation will be free from the negative side effects of this problem one day provided every individual cooperates and practice the stated ways.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Remove redundant wording Original: today's modern world Suggested revision: today's world Why it matters: “Today’s” already conveys modernity.
- 2. Use precise degree Original: tremendously Suggested revision: rapidly Why it matters: “Rapidly” describes the rate of increase more precisely.
- 3. Use the correct verb Original: establish Suggested revision: identify Why it matters: Problems are identified rather than established.
- 4. Remove redundant meaning Original: unwanted negative impacts Suggested revision: negative impacts Why it matters: A negative impact is already unwanted.
- 5. Remove the article Original: the late adulthood Suggested revision: later adulthood Why it matters: The general life stage does not take “the” here.
- 6. Clarify the result Original: cause Suggested revision: leaves Why it matters: The relative clause refers to dependence, so a singular result structure is needed.
- 7. Use the uncountable noun Original: heavy traffic jam Suggested revision: heavy traffic Why it matters: General congestion is expressed with uncountable “traffic”.
- 8. Use academic quantity Original: tonnes of ways Suggested revision: many ways Why it matters: “Tonnes of” is too informal for academic writing.
- 9. Use the standard noun Original: dependency Suggested revision: dependence Why it matters: “Dependence” is the more natural noun in this context.
- 10. Position the adverb correctly Original: choose to brisk walk Suggested revision: choose to walk briskly Why it matters: The adverb should modify the verb “walk”.
- 11. Use simple present Original: It is indirectly giving Suggested revision: This indirectly gives Why it matters: The simple present states the general result clearly.
- 12. Use natural health wording Original: rebuild their bodies Suggested revision: improve their fitness Why it matters: Exercise improves fitness rather than rebuilding bodies.
Suggested Rewrites
- today's modern world today's world
- tremendously rapidly
- establish identify
- unwanted negative impacts negative impacts
- the late adulthood later adulthood
- cause leaves
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response covers both required parts and supports its discussion with relevant problems and practical solutions, particularly walking and car-pooling. Its main limitation is that several explanations are repetitive or imprecisely expressed, and frequent grammatical and collocational errors weaken otherwise clear ideas. The highest priority is to explain each solution's effect more precisely while editing sentences for accurate clause structure, agreement, and natural word combinations.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Response
The response addresses multiple problems and proposes relevant solutions with explanations, although some claims about health outcomes are overstated or only generally developed.
Show more precisely how walking and car-pooling reduce the identified problems, using realistic effects rather than broad predictions about regaining health or eliminating harm.
Coherence and Cohesion
The problems and solutions are organised into clear stages, but repetition, vague referencing, and some poorly joined sentences weaken local progression.
Give each problem and solution its own claim-and-effect sequence, and separate run-on ideas such as the sentence linking severe traffic problems with air pollution.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is adequate and includes relevant topic language, but frequent awkward or inaccurate combinations such as "exposal of waste effluents" and "traffic jam" in the singular reduce precision.
Use natural, specific terms such as "vehicle emissions," "traffic congestion," and "walk briskly" instead of forcing less familiar expressions.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The essay uses both simple and complex structures, but recurring agreement, article, clause-boundary, and verb-form errors show inconsistent control despite generally clear meaning.
Proofread every complex sentence for a complete main clause, correct subject-verb agreement, and accurate verb forms before adding subordinate detail.
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IELTS Writing Task 2
More and more people are relying on the private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problems over-reliance on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.