The graph below shows the alcohol-related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005.
Sample Response
The provided table data outlines per capita beer consumption and deaths from alcohol intake in seven different countries. Overall, the higher the alcohol consumption was in a country, the higher the mortality rate was there and death cases among men were more prevalent than that of females. In details, average beer consumption in the Czech Republic was the highest in 2002, 132 litres per person, and the alcohol-related death count was also the maximum in this country in 2005. Around 1.37 million Czechs died from alcohol-related complexities in 2005 and 0.9 million of them were men. Per capita beer consumption in Germany, Austria and Ireland were almost similar, 107, 106 and 104 litres respectively and death tolls from alcohol intake in these countries were also higher. Around 1.1, 0.91 and 0.58 million people from these countries departed due to their alcohol issues and the number of deceased males was significantly higher than that of females. The lowest beer intake could be observed in Canada, 86 litres per person in a year, but the number of Canadians died from alcohol-related problem was higher than that of Estonia and Lithuania. 125 thousand Lithuanians died of alcohol-caused problems of which only 13000 were females.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular subject Original: table data outlines Suggested revision: table outlines Why it matters: Data is unnecessary because the singular table itself is the subject of outlines.
- 2. Use task terminology Original: deaths from alcohol intake Suggested revision: alcohol-related deaths Why it matters: The replacement is the precise term used for the mortality figures in the table.
- 3. Use singular expression Original: details Suggested revision: detail Why it matters: In detail is the correct fixed expression for introducing specific information.
- 4. Link figure correctly Original: was the highest in 2002, 132 litres per person Suggested revision: was highest in 2002, at 132 litres per person Why it matters: At is needed to introduce the numerical level after the superlative.
- 5. Use natural superlative Original: death count was also the maximum Suggested revision: death toll was also the highest Why it matters: Highest death toll is the conventional phrase for the largest mortality figure.
- 6. Use accurate cause phrase Original: complexities Suggested revision: causes Why it matters: Complexities does not mean causes of death in this context.
- 7. Use direct mortality wording Original: people from these countries departed Suggested revision: people in these countries died Why it matters: Departed is euphemistic and unnatural for reporting mortality statistics.
- 8. Use precise cause wording Original: due to their alcohol issues Suggested revision: from alcohol-related causes Why it matters: The revised phrase states the measured cause of death precisely.
- 9. Use concise mortality term Original: number of deceased males Suggested revision: number of male deaths Why it matters: Male deaths is clearer and more concise than deceased males in statistical reporting.
- 10. Complete gender comparison Original: significantly higher than that of females Suggested revision: significantly higher than the number of female deaths Why it matters: The comparison must match one numerical count with another count.
- 11. Use direct reporting Original: could be observed Suggested revision: was recorded Why it matters: Was recorded states the table value more directly and concisely.
- 12. Remove redundant period Original: 86 litres per person in a year Suggested revision: 86 litres per person Why it matters: The table already defines consumption as an annual per-capita figure.
Suggested Rewrites
- table data outlines table outlines
- deaths from alcohol intake alcohol-related deaths
- details detail
- was the highest in 2002, 132 litres per person was highest in 2002, at 132 litres per person
- death count was also the maximum death toll was also the highest
- complexities causes
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response selects the leading countries effectively, presents accurate supporting figures, and gives a clear overview of the broad association between beer consumption and deaths while recognising Canada's exception. Its main weakness is imprecise and sometimes inappropriate wording for mortality data, alongside recurring grammatical errors. The priority is to report deaths neutrally and distinguish absolute death totals from mortality rates when making cross-country comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview identifies the principal relationship and male-female pattern, and the selected country figures are accurate and sufficiently comparative.
Clarify that the table gives absolute death counts rather than mortality rates and explicitly frame Canada as the main exception to the broad pattern.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response moves logically from the overview to high-consumption countries and then lower-consumption exceptions, despite being presented as one long paragraph.
Separate the overview from grouped detail paragraphs for higher and lower consumption countries to make the comparisons easier to scan.
Lexical Resource
There is a good range for quantities and comparison, but expressions such as 'alcohol-related complexities', 'departed', and 'alcohol issues' are imprecise.
Use neutral statistical language such as 'alcohol-related deaths', 'death total', 'male deaths', and 'beer consumption per capita'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Complex comparisons are generally understandable, but agreement, article, relative-clause, and noun-form errors occur repeatedly.
Check structures such as 'consumption was', 'the number of Canadians who died', and 'higher than the figure for females'.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the alcohol-related deaths in 7 different countries and the average beer consumption in 2005.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.