The charts show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
Sample Response
The given bar charts illustrate the proportions of Australian boys and girls aged 5 to 14 years-old who participated in sports and different cultural activities in 2003.
In general, it can be seen that while dancing was the most popular cultural activity for girls, boys had a strong tendency for playing musical instruments. With regards to sports, a higher percentage of boys participated in sports activities compared to girls in the same age group.
In 2003, 5% of girls aged 5 to 14 participated in drama and singing activities, which was approximately 2% higher than the figure for boys in the same activities. Meanwhile, 25% of girls took part in dancing activities, compared to only 2% of boys. In contrast, the proportion of girls that played a musical instrument was only 10%, which was only two-thirds of the figure for boys in the same category.
When it came to playing sport, there was a participation rate of about 70% of 5 to 14 year-old boys, which was around 20% higher than that of girls, at just over 50%.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Correct age expression Original: years-old Suggested revision: years old Why it matters: An age stated after the verb does not take a hyphen or the singular form "year-old."
- 2. State the leading activity Original: had a strong tendency for playing musical instruments Suggested revision: were most likely to play musical instruments Why it matters: The replacement directly describes musical instruments as the most popular cultural activity among boys.
- 3. Correct fixed phrase Original: regards Suggested revision: regard Why it matters: The standard formal expression is "with regard to."
- 4. Fix comparison structure Original: a higher percentage of boys participated in sports activities compared to girls Suggested revision: a higher percentage of boys than girls participated in sports activities Why it matters: The revised structure compares the percentages of boys and girls directly and grammatically.
- 5. Correct the difference Original: approximately 2% higher than the figure for boys in the same activities Suggested revision: approximately 1 percentage point higher than the figure for boys in the same activities Why it matters: The chart shows about 5% for girls and 4% for boys in both drama and singing.
- 6. Use who for people Original: that Suggested revision: who Why it matters: The relative pronoun "who" is more appropriate when referring to people.
- 7. Remove repetition Original: was only 10%, which was only Suggested revision: was 10%, which was Why it matters: Removing the repeated limiter makes the comparison more concise without changing its meaning.
- 8. Clarify the proportion Original: participation rate of about 70% of 5 to 14 year-old boys Suggested revision: participation rate of about 70% among boys aged 5 to 14 Why it matters: A rate applies among a group, and the revised age phrase is grammatically complete.
- 9. Use percentage points Original: around 20% higher than that of girls Suggested revision: around 20 percentage points higher than that for girls Why it matters: The chart compares participation percentages directly, so the gap should be expressed in percentage points.
- 10. Use direct chart wording Original: The given bar charts illustrate the proportions Suggested revision: The bar charts compare the percentages Why it matters: The replacement states the comparative purpose of the charts more directly and uses the measurement shown.
- 11. Specify four activities Original: different Suggested revision: four Why it matters: The cultural chart contains exactly four named activities, so the specific number improves precision.
- 12. Use concise overview marker Original: In general, it can be seen that Suggested revision: Overall, Why it matters: A direct overview marker conveys the same function more concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- years-old years old
- had a strong tendency for playing musical instruments were most likely to play musical instruments
- regards regard
- a higher percentage of boys participated in sports activities compared to girls a higher percentage of boys than girls participated in sports activities
- approximately 2% higher than the figure for boys in the same activities approximately 1 percentage point higher than the figure for boys in the same activities
- that who
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response gives a clear overview, selects the most important gender contrasts, and organises the two charts into an easy-to-follow account. Its main limitation is minor numerical imprecision, particularly the claim that girls were about two percentage points above boys in both drama and singing, when each gap is closer to one point. The priority is to verify small differences carefully while refining a few awkward grammatical forms.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The main features of both charts are clearly identified and supported with relevant comparisons, with only a minor overstatement of the drama and singing gaps.
Read small bar differences more precisely and report the drama and singing gaps as about one percentage point rather than two.
Coherence and Cohesion
The overview and detail paragraphs follow a clear sequence, and comparisons are connected smoothly without unnecessary repetition.
Strengthen the link between the two detail paragraphs by signalling more directly that the final paragraph shifts from cultural activities to sport.
Lexical Resource
A good range of topic-specific and comparative vocabulary conveys the data clearly, despite occasional awkward collocations such as a tendency for playing.
Use more natural phrasing, for example musical instruments were the most popular cultural activity among boys.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex structures with good control, although forms such as 5 to 14 years-old and with regards to contain minor errors.
Use aged 5 to 14 or 5- to 14-year-old and the fixed phrase with regard to when editing the final response.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The charts show the percentage of boys and girls aged 5-14 taking part in cultural activities and sports in Australia in 2003.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.