The graph below shows the percentage of immigrants to Australia from five countries in 1962, 1982 and 2002.
Sample Response
The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of people from five different nations migrating to Australia in 1962, 1982 and 2002.
Overall, it is evident that the percentage of Italian immigrants to Australia was highest during the period in question, except in 1982 when Vietnam ranked first among the five countries. Additionally, while the rates of UK, Indian and Vietnamese immigrants increased, the opposite was true for New Zealanders and Italians over the given period.
In 1962, Italian people accounted for the highest percentage of immigrants to Australia, at precisely 40%, while the figures for Vietnam and the UK were identical, at 10%. Meanwhile, around 7% of immigrants to Australia came from New Zealand, compared to only about 2% from India.
Over the following 40 years, the figure for IItalian immigrants fell sharply to 15%, while increases to approximately 12% and 15% in the figures for the UK and India respectively. At the same time, an opposite trend could be observed with regard to the rates of immigrants from New Zealand and Vietnam, at 5% and and 13% respectively.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise reference Original: in question Suggested revision: shown Why it matters: This directly refers to the period displayed in the chart.
- 2. Use parallel labels Original: rates of UK, Indian and Vietnamese immigrants Suggested revision: proportions of immigrants from the UK, India and Vietnam Why it matters: The country references need a consistent grammatical form.
- 3. Correct New Zealand figure Original: 7 Suggested revision: 8 Why it matters: The 1962 bar for New Zealand is approximately 8%.
- 4. Correct spelling Original: IItalian Suggested revision: Italian Why it matters: The country adjective contains a duplicated initial letter.
- 5. Add clause subject Original: while increases to Suggested revision: while the figures increased to Why it matters: The clause requires an explicit subject and finite verb.
- 6. Correct India figure Original: 15 Suggested revision: 14 Why it matters: In 2002, the Indian proportion is about 14%, not 15%.
- 7. Distinguish the trends Original: an opposite trend Suggested revision: contrasting trends Why it matters: New Zealand declined whereas Vietnam increased, so the two countries did not share one opposite trend.
- 8. Remove repeated conjunction Original: and and 13% Suggested revision: and 13% Why it matters: The conjunction is accidentally repeated.
- 9. Make overview direct Original: it is evident that Suggested revision: Delete Why it matters: Removing this framing makes the overview more concise and objective.
- 10. Use chart language Original: ranked first among the five countries Suggested revision: had the highest proportion of the five countries Why it matters: This wording reports the comparative value more precisely than ranked first.
- 11. State the direction Original: the opposite was true Suggested revision: the proportions declined Why it matters: Naming the downward movement is clearer than the vague reference to the opposite.
- 12. Use precise group label Original: people Suggested revision: immigrants Why it matters: The chart concerns immigrants specifically rather than Italian people in general.
Suggested Rewrites
- in question shown
- rates of UK, Indian and Vietnamese immigrants proportions of immigrants from the UK, India and Vietnam
- 7 8
- IItalian Italian
- while increases to while the figures increased to
- 15 14
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response presents a clear overview of the dominant nationalities and the main changes, and most reported figures are accurate. Its main limitation is incomplete coverage: nearly all 1982 values are omitted, so the sharp mid-period shifts shown in the chart are not sufficiently illustrated. Prioritise a concise comparison of the 1982 figures, especially Vietnam’s peak and the changes in Italy and the UK, while proofreading sentence structure.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and mostly accurate start-and-end figures address the task, but the response omits almost all numerical detail for 1982.
Add a focused comparison of the 1982 figures, including Vietnam’s peak and Italy’s substantial fall.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction, overview, and detail paragraphs follow a logical order, with generally clear progression between comparisons.
Make the final paragraph’s comparisons more precise so that the phrase describing an opposite trend does not group an increase with a decrease.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a suitable range of chart vocabulary, although a typo and some imprecise phrases reduce control.
Proofread carefully and use precise combinations such as the proportion of immigrants from each country.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A range of simple and complex structures is used with generally clear meaning, but the final paragraph contains a broken clause and a repeated conjunction.
Ensure every comparison has a complete subject and verb, and remove duplicated words during proofreading.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The graph below shows the percentage of immigrants to Australia from five countries in 1962, 1982 and 2002.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.