The pie chart below presents the percentage of new job opportunities for different professional groups in Australia in the year 2001. New job openings in Australia in 2001
Sample Response
The provided pie chart depicts new employment opportunities in Australia for different professional groups in 2001. Generally speaking, the highest job opening was for job seekers in management group while engineering and research related job openings were considerably fewer. According to the given illustration, 36% of total job opening was in management sector in Australia in 2001 and this ratio of new jobs was higher than any other sectors. Approximately one out of every four jobs were related to social service while around one out of seven jobs were in the finance sector. Furthermore, medicine specialists had 12% jobs to apply to while only 8% and 3% of job announcements were for engineers and researchers respectively in Australia in 2001. It is noticeable that fewer jobs related to research, only 3%, were announced in 2001 in Australia while management and social service jobs comprised the highest ratio, more than 60%, of the new job opening in this year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe a proportion Original: highest job opening Suggested revision: largest share of job openings Why it matters: The chart compares category shares rather than the height of a single opening.
- 2. Remove missing article issue Original: in management group Suggested revision: in management Why it matters: Management functions as the category name here and does not need group.
- 3. Hyphenate compound modifier Original: research related Suggested revision: research-related Why it matters: A compound modifier before a noun should be hyphenated.
- 4. Fix number agreement Original: 36% of total job opening was Suggested revision: 36% of all job openings were Why it matters: The percentage refers to the plural countable noun job openings.
- 5. Add definite article Original: in management sector Suggested revision: in the management sector Why it matters: A specific named sector requires the definite article in this construction.
- 6. Fix comparison form Original: higher than any other sectors Suggested revision: higher than the share in any other sector Why it matters: The comparison must be between equivalent shares and use singular sector after any other.
- 7. Fix subject agreement Original: one out of every four jobs were Suggested revision: one out of every four jobs was Why it matters: The head of the subject is the singular word one.
- 8. Describe chart category Original: medicine specialists had 12% jobs to apply to Suggested revision: medical jobs accounted for 12% of openings Why it matters: This phrasing accurately describes the proportion assigned to the Medicine category.
- 9. Use natural proportion phrase Original: comprised the highest ratio Suggested revision: accounted for the largest combined share Why it matters: Largest combined share is the natural term for the sum of two leading categories.
- 10. Fix number and time phrase Original: of the new job opening in this year Suggested revision: of new job openings that year Why it matters: The plural noun and concise time expression fit this reference to all openings in 2001.
- 11. Use concise overview marker Original: Generally speaking Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: Overall is the standard concise marker for the main features of a chart.
- 12. Use direct reporting clause Original: According to the given illustration Suggested revision: The chart shows that Why it matters: A direct reporting clause is clearer and less wordy.
Suggested Rewrites
- highest job opening largest share of job openings
- in management group in management
- research related research-related
- 36% of total job opening was 36% of all job openings were
- in management sector in the management sector
- higher than any other sectors higher than the share in any other sector
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response accurately reports every sector and highlights the dominant management and social-service shares, supported by clear proportional comparisons. The main limitation is presentation: the entire report forms one paragraph, while several awkward noun phrases and agreement errors reduce polish. Divide the introduction, overview, and details into purposeful paragraphs, and revise expressions such as total job openings and jobs in medicine.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The report presents a clear overview, accurately covers all six sectors, and supports the key comparisons with appropriate figures.
For even greater concision, combine the smallest categories into one comparison rather than repeating the research figure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence of information is clear and linking is effective, but the entire response is presented as a single paragraph.
Separate the introduction and overview from a logically grouped details paragraph to make the structure immediately visible.
Lexical Resource
The response uses varied language for proportions and comparisons, but recurring awkward collocations reduce precision.
Prefer natural phrases such as share of job openings, jobs in medicine, and the largest proportion.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures conveys meaning clearly, although agreement, article, and number errors recur.
Check singular and plural forms after percentages and proportional phrases, particularly job opening versus job openings.
Write this task while it is fresh
Try the same task now. It helps you remember the feedback and write better next time.
IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below presents the percentage of new job opportunities for different professional groups in Australia in the year 2001. New job openings in Australia in 2001
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.