The pie chart below presents the percentage of new job opportunities for different professional groups in Australia in the year 2001. New job openings in Australia in 2001
Sample Response
The pie chart presents profession-wise new job opening ratio in 2001 in Australia. The jobs openings were classified in six broad categories including medicine, engineering, research, management, finance and social service. Overall, management jobs comprised the highest new jobs in Australia while research related job announcement was the lowest. According to the given pie chart, 36% fresh jobs were looking for management staffs which covered the highest ratio of new jobs in Australia in 2001. Next to management job openings were social service jobs that accounted for roughly one-quarter of fresh jobs in this year. Finance sector’s job opening accounted for 15% of total job advertisement which was 3% higher than that of medicine specialists’ jobs. Interestingly, engineers had only 8% jobs to apply to and this was significantly lower than that of management and social service job openings. Only three out of one hundred job reporting was for researchers in Australia. It is interesting to notice that specialists like engineers and doctors had significantly fewer jobs to apply in 2001 in Australia.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Describe chart measure Original: profession-wise new job opening ratio Suggested revision: percentages of new job openings by profession Why it matters: The pie chart shows percentage shares rather than a single ratio.
- 2. Correct noun phrase Original: The jobs openings Suggested revision: Job openings Why it matters: “Jobs openings” incorrectly uses a plural modifier before “openings.”
- 3. Introduce complete list Original: categories including Suggested revision: categories: Why it matters: A colon introduces the complete list more directly.
- 4. Use proportion language Original: comprised the highest new jobs Suggested revision: accounted for the largest share of new jobs Why it matters: A category accounts for a share; it does not comprise jobs as a ranking.
- 5. Hyphenate compound Original: research related Suggested revision: research-related Why it matters: The compound modifier needs a hyphen before the noun.
- 6. Use plural agreement Original: job announcement was Suggested revision: job openings were Why it matters: The category refers to multiple openings and requires plural agreement.
- 7. Add proportion marker Original: 36% fresh jobs Suggested revision: 36% of new jobs Why it matters: A percentage must be followed by “of” before the counted noun.
- 8. Describe category directly Original: were looking for management staffs Suggested revision: were in management Why it matters: The chart classifies job opportunities by field and “staff” is not countable here.
- 9. Use share verb Original: covered Suggested revision: represented Why it matters: “Represented” accurately links the figure to its share of openings.
- 10. Use largest share Original: highest ratio Suggested revision: largest share Why it matters: A pie-chart segment is expressed as a share, not a ratio.
- 11. Use concise reference Original: in this year Suggested revision: that year Why it matters: “That year” is the natural reference to 2001.
- 12. Use plural construction Original: Finance sector’s job opening Suggested revision: Job openings in the finance sector Why it matters: The 15% segment represents multiple job openings in that field.
Suggested Rewrites
- profession-wise new job opening ratio percentages of new job openings by profession
- The jobs openings Job openings
- categories including categories:
- comprised the highest new jobs accounted for the largest share of new jobs
- research related research-related
- job announcement was job openings were
Why this response received Band 7.0
The report identifies the largest and smallest sectors clearly and accounts for all six proportions with accurate figures and useful comparisons. Its main limitation is language control: awkward collocations and recurring number and agreement errors make several sentences sound unnatural despite remaining understandable. Prioritise rewriting each figure as a precise noun phrase, such as jobs in management accounted for 36%, and then proofread plurals, articles and verb agreement.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The overview is clear, all six categories are covered, and the percentages and principal comparisons accurately reflect the pie chart.
Refine the final comparison by grouping the three smallest professional sectors rather than repeating the point about specialists.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report moves logically from classification and overview through descending proportions, with clear referencing and comparison.
Divide the overview and detailed figures into distinct paragraphs and reduce repetitive closing commentary.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a reasonable range of chart vocabulary, but collocations such as "management staffs" and "job reporting" are noticeably unnatural.
Use precise phrases such as "management positions," "job vacancies" and "research roles accounted for 3%."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Meaning remains clear and some complex structures are attempted, but plural, article and agreement errors recur across the report.
Proofread noun phrases and verb agreement, especially forms such as "job openings," "management staff" and "three out of every hundred jobs were."
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The pie chart below presents the percentage of new job opportunities for different professional groups in Australia in the year 2001. New job openings in Australia in 2001
Your response
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