The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Sample Response
The given Bar graph compares the proportion of Australian gender in six distinct age categories who were physically active on regular basis in the isolated year 2010.
As it can be clearly seen, the proportion of females aged between 35-44 were highly active; whereas the proportion of males in the age group of 35-44 seem to be least physically active with just 40%.
Probing ahead, a resemblance can be seen in the proportion of males and females who were physically active in the age 65 and over which was noted as nearly 47%. Moreover, a minute discrepancy of 5% can be witnessed in the proportion of males and females between the age group 15 to 24 noted as 52.8 and 47.7 respectively. The physical activity of males rose to around 45% while the proportion of active females remained around 8% higher at 53%. In conclusion, it can be seen that the majority of males particularly teenagers do more exercise, whereas the number of females, mainly those aged 45- 54 engaged in physical activities more compared to female teenagers.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use lowercase noun Original: Bar Suggested revision: bar Why it matters: ‘Bar’ is a common noun here and should not be capitalized.
- 2. Name both groups Original: the proportion of Australian gender Suggested revision: the percentages of Australian men and women Why it matters: ‘Gender’ cannot refer to the two population groups in this singular construction.
- 3. Add the article Original: on regular basis Suggested revision: on a regular basis Why it matters: The fixed phrase requires the indefinite article ‘a’.
- 4. Use concise time wording Original: isolated year Suggested revision: year Why it matters: The chart already identifies a single year, so ‘isolated’ is unnatural and unnecessary.
- 5. Signal the overview Original: As it can be clearly seen Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: ‘Overall’ introduces the main chart pattern more directly.
- 6. Use people noun Original: females Suggested revision: women Why it matters: ‘Women’ is the natural noun when referring to people in age groups.
- 7. Fix age range Original: between 35-44 Suggested revision: 35–44 Why it matters: ‘Between’ requires ‘and’, while the concise age-range form needs no preposition.
- 8. Match singular subject Original: were highly active Suggested revision: was 52.5% Why it matters: The singular subject ‘proportion’ requires ‘was’, and the exact figure is clearer than ‘highly active’.
- 9. Join contrasting clauses Original: ; whereas Suggested revision: , whereas Why it matters: A comma correctly introduces this dependent contrast clause.
- 10. Use concise group label Original: males in the age group of 35-44 Suggested revision: men aged 35–44 Why it matters: This phrasing is shorter and more natural for a demographic group.
- 11. Report exact male low Original: seem to be least physically active with just 40% Suggested revision: was the lowest male figure, at 39.5% Why it matters: The chart shows a precise male low of 39.5% in the 35–44 group.
- 12. Use clear transition Original: Probing ahead Suggested revision: Looking at the details Why it matters: ‘Probing ahead’ is an unnatural transition in a chart description.
Suggested Rewrites
- Bar bar
- the proportion of Australian gender the percentages of Australian men and women
- on regular basis on a regular basis
- isolated year year
- As it can be clearly seen Overall
- females women
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response includes some accurate comparisons, particularly the near-equal figures for the oldest group and the male low among 35–44-year-olds. However, its overview misidentifies the most active female group, several age groups are omitted or unclear, and awkward phrasing weakens precision. The highest-priority improvement is to state the main gender pattern accurately and support it with clearly labelled, representative data from all age groups.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
Some relevant figures are reported, but the overview is partly inaccurate and coverage of the six age groups is limited and unclear.
State that women lead in every group except ages 15–24, then support this with accurate comparisons across the chart.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response has a recognisable introduction, overview, and detail sequence, but progression becomes uneven in the crowded final paragraph.
Group younger and older age categories separately and identify the age group before giving each comparison.
Lexical Resource
The writer attempts varied vocabulary, but frequent unnatural expressions reduce precision and make some descriptions cumbersome.
Prefer direct chart language such as percentage, age group, rose, fell, and was higher than instead of inflated phrases.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Simple and complex forms are attempted, but recurring agreement, article, comparison, and clause-control errors limit accuracy.
Practise accurate noun phrases and comparative clauses, especially percentage of men or women and higher than the figure for.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.