The table and pie chart illustrates populations in Australia according to different nationalities and areas.
Sample Response
The given pie chart shows the percentage of people of different nationalities residing in Australia, while the table shows demographic figures which are classified according to urban and rural areas.
Overall, Australians are the largest nationalities, residents, almost three-quarters of the major population, and they tend to live in the urban area. This figure is followed distantly by other citizens who are almost twice the residents from Great Britain (7%), New Zealanders at 3%, Chinese at 2%, and people from the Netherlands at just 1%.
It is readily apparent that Chinese live predominantly in the cities up to 99%, whereas only 1% live in the countryside. The other vast majority of city dwellers is New Zealanders and British, which display nearly identical proportions around 90%. In terms of living areas, Australians are few likely to live outside the cities, nearly 20%, while the rest still live in urban environments. Similarly, 83% of the Dutch live in cities and 17% in the countryside.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise measure Original: demographic figures Suggested revision: percentage distributions Why it matters: The table reports percentages rather than general demographic figures.
- 2. Describe table accurately Original: which are classified according to urban and rural areas Suggested revision: broken down by city and countryside for each nationality Why it matters: The table divides each named nationality between city and countryside residence.
- 3. Add people noun Original: Chinese live Suggested revision: Chinese people live Why it matters: Using Chinese alone for people is unnatural in this sentence.
- 4. State exact share Original: in the cities up to 99% Suggested revision: in cities, at 99% Why it matters: The visual gives an exact city share rather than a value rising up to 99%.
- 5. Correct comparison phrase Original: few Suggested revision: less Why it matters: Less likely is the correct comparative expression for this contrast.
- 6. Use exact figure Original: outside the cities, nearly 20% Suggested revision: outside cities, at 20% Why it matters: The countryside figure for Australians is exactly 20% in the table.
- 7. Quantify remainder Original: the rest still live Suggested revision: the remaining 80% live Why it matters: Naming the exact complementary share makes the comparison clearer and more precise.
- 8. Remove empty modifier Original: The given pie chart Suggested revision: The pie chart Why it matters: Given adds no information and can be removed for a more direct introduction.
- 9. Use plural percentages Original: the percentage of people of different nationalities Suggested revision: the percentages of people from different nationalities Why it matters: The pie chart presents a separate percentage for each nationality group.
- 10. Use direct wording Original: residing Suggested revision: living Why it matters: Living conveys the same meaning more directly in this factual description.
- 11. Name visual source Original: It is readily apparent that Suggested revision: The table shows that Why it matters: Directly naming the table makes the evidence source clearer.
- 12. Tighten contrast clause Original: whereas only 1% live in the countryside Suggested revision: with only 1% living in the countryside Why it matters: The with-clause links the complementary city and countryside shares concisely.
Suggested Rewrites
- demographic figures percentage distributions
- which are classified according to urban and rural areas broken down by city and countryside for each nationality
- Chinese live Chinese people live
- in the cities up to 99% in cities, at 99%
- few less
- outside the cities, nearly 20% outside cities, at 20%
Why this response received Band 6.5
The response selects the principal proportions and urban-rural patterns accurately, with a clear overview and well-chosen supporting figures. Its main limitation is recurrent awkward grammar and imprecise phrasing, which sometimes obscures otherwise sound comparisons; the highest priority is to use controlled comparative sentence structures and precise nationality nouns while retaining the same accurate coverage of the visuals.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and accurate figures cover the dominant nationality and the main urban-rural patterns.
Make the overview more sharply comparative by stating that every listed nationality is predominantly urban, with Chinese residents the most concentrated in cities.
Coherence and Cohesion
The response progresses logically from an overview of the pie chart to detailed comparisons from the table.
Separate the overview from detailed percentages and group the table comparisons by similar and contrasting patterns.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary is sufficiently varied for the task, though several nationality labels and comparison phrases are imprecise.
Use precise forms such as Australians, British people, and less likely rather than awkward phrases such as largest nationalities and few likely.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of sentence structures communicates the comparisons, but agreement, plural, article, and clause-control errors recur.
Prioritise subject-verb agreement and clean comparative clauses, especially when referring to nationalities and percentages.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table and pie chart illustrates populations in Australia according to different nationalities and areas.
Your response
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