The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in a country in 1950 and 2010.
Sample Response
The two pie charts compare the household outlay in a country by major categories in 1950 and 2010. Overall, in both years, significant expenditure went on for accommodation and food which together covered the most of the expenditure. However, in 2010, spending ratio escalated for the food while decreased for the housing. In 1950, nearly two-thirds of the expenditure of people went on for the accommodation and more than 11% on food. The expenditure on housing plummeted in 2010, 72.1% to 22.0% while it almost trebled in the case of the food. Healthcare expenditure ratio, on the contrary, was the lowest, only 2.4%, and it increased by almost 2% in 2010. Similarly, the outlay on transportation was elevated in 2010 by nearly 10%. The cost ratio for education was 6.6% in 1950 which slightly decreased after six decades. Other categories attributed to only around 4% expenditure and it roughly quintuple during the period. In summary, the housing drained the highest percentages of money for the people in this country in 1950 and after 60 years it reduced while the ratio of expense on foods increased remarkably.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Natural phrase Original: household outlay Suggested revision: household expenditure Why it matters: This matches the chart title.
- 2. Wrong preposition Original: went on for accommodation Suggested revision: went on housing Why it matters: Use on directly with the spending category.
- 3. Remove extra article Original: covered the most of the expenditure Suggested revision: accounted for most expenditure Why it matters: The extra the is incorrect.
- 4. Neutral data verb Original: spending ratio escalated Suggested revision: the spending share rose Why it matters: Escalated is too dramatic for a pie chart.
- 5. No article Original: for the food Suggested revision: for food Why it matters: Use no article for the general category.
- 6. Missing subject Original: while decreased Suggested revision: while it decreased Why it matters: The clause needs a subject.
- 7. Wrong preposition Original: went on for the accommodation Suggested revision: went on housing Why it matters: This is the natural way to report spending categories.
- 8. Add exact figure Original: more than 11% on food Suggested revision: 11.2% on food Why it matters: The chart provides the exact percentage.
- 9. Clarify change Original: 2010, 72.1% to 22.0% Suggested revision: from 72.1% in 1950 to 22.0% in 2010 Why it matters: This makes the direction and years explicit.
- 10. Use points Original: increased by almost 2% Suggested revision: increased by 2.1 percentage points Why it matters: Healthcare rose from 2.4% to 4.5%.
- 11. Wrong verb Original: Other categories attributed to Suggested revision: Other categories accounted for Why it matters: Accounted for is the correct collocation.
- 12. Verb form Original: it roughly quintuple Suggested revision: it roughly quintupled Why it matters: Use past tense.
Suggested Rewrites
- household outlay household expenditure
- went on for accommodation went on housing
- covered the most of the expenditure accounted for most expenditure
- spending ratio escalated the spending share rose
- for the food for food
- while decreased while it decreased
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response covers the main changes accurately: housing fell sharply from 72.1% to 22%, food rose to 34%, and other/transport increased. The overview is present, but healthcare is slightly imprecise and the final summary repeats earlier points.
State the major reversal clearly: housing dominated in 1950, while food became the largest category in 2010.
Coherence and Cohesion
The report has a clear introduction, overview and details. Some comparisons are crowded, and the final sentence adds little new information.
Combine the final summary with the overview and use the last detail sentence for smaller categories.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary shows range, including outlay, plummeted and trebled, but some words are overdramatic or inaccurate, such as drained and attributed to.
Use neutral data terms such as accounted for, made up, rose, fell and increased more than fourfold.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar is understandable but affected by article errors, verb-form problems and awkward prepositions.
Proofread noun phrases after expenditure, spending and ratio, and keep verbs in past form.