The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Sample Response
The diagram illustrates the brick manufacturing process in an orderly manner starting from the digging of clay. As is seen in the given illustration, brick manufacturing is a complex process and involves 7 stages until they are ready to be sold in the market. The process is initiated by digging clay with the help of a heavy machinery digger. This clay is then refined through the metal grid which throws the refined clay on the rollers. Sand and water are mixed and this mixture is either moulded or cut using a wire cutter to give the bricks a raw shape. These bricks are put in a drying oven for one to two days. The dried bricks are then passed to kilns with moderate (200 to 980 degree C) and high temperature (870 to 1300 degree C) and finally placed in a cooling chamber for 48-72 hours. After cooling down the bricks, they are placed on a pallet for packaging and to be loaded on a lorry for delivery. In conclusion, the process of manufacturing bricks is a complex process which passes through several stages before the bricks are ready to be used.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise overview Original: in an orderly manner Suggested revision: in a clear sequence Why it matters: This describes the sequence more directly.
- 2. Use concise transition Original: As is seen in the given illustration Suggested revision: Overall Why it matters: The original signposting is wordy and adds no content.
- 3. Fix noun phrase Original: a heavy machinery digger Suggested revision: a mechanical digger Why it matters: Machinery is uncountable and cannot modify digger this way.
- 4. Describe mechanism Original: throws the refined clay on the rollers Suggested revision: feeds the clay onto a roller Why it matters: The diagram shows clay passing through a grid onto a roller.
- 5. Use process wording Original: give the bricks a raw shape Suggested revision: form the raw bricks Why it matters: This is a more precise description of the shaping stage.
- 6. Fix temperature phrase Original: with moderate (200 to 980 degree C) and high temperature (870 to 1300 degree C) Suggested revision: at moderate (200–980°C) and then high (870–1300°C) temperatures Why it matters: The sequence, plural noun, and Celsius notation need correction.
- 7. Sentence rewrite Original: Sand and water are mixed and this mixture is either moulded or cut using a wire cutter to give the bricks a raw shape. Suggested revision: Sand and water are added to the clay, which is then shaped into bricks using either a mould or a wire cutter. Why it matters: The visual shows sand and water being added to clay before two alternative shaping methods.
- 8. Sharpen the overview Suggested revision: Summarise the linear process from clay extraction to delivery and mention the two alternative shaping methods. Why it matters: The current overview only labels the process as complex and counts stages.
- 9. Group the stages Suggested revision: Separate preparation and shaping from drying, firing, cooling, packaging, and delivery. Why it matters: A single paragraph makes the sequence harder to scan.
Suggested Rewrites
- in an orderly manner in a clear sequence
- As is seen in the given illustration Overall
- a heavy machinery digger a mechanical digger
- throws the refined clay on the rollers feeds the clay onto a roller
- give the bricks a raw shape form the raw bricks
- with moderate (200 to 980 degree C) and high temperature (870 to 1300 degree C) at moderate (200–980°C) and then high (870–1300°C) temperatures
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response accurately follows the full manufacturing sequence and uses precise stage details, including timings and kiln temperatures. Its main limitation is presentation: the overview is somewhat repetitive and the entire report reads as one continuous block, which weakens the distinction between summary and detail. Prioritise a sharper overview of the linear process and divide the stages into logically grouped paragraphs.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately covers the complete process, both shaping alternatives, the two heating ranges, cooling, packaging, and delivery.
Make the overview more selective by highlighting the linear start-to-finish sequence and the alternative moulding or cutting stage without repeating the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress in a clear chronological order, but the single-block presentation and repetitive closing summary reduce structural clarity.
Separate the overview from two detail paragraphs that group the preparation stages and the heating-to-delivery stages.
Lexical Resource
Process vocabulary is varied and generally precise, with effective terms such as refined, moulded, kiln, and cooling chamber.
Refine awkward collocations such as heavy machinery digger and passed to kilns with moderate and high temperature.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of simple and complex structures is used with generally secure control and only occasional non-impeding errors.
Improve noun phrase and agreement control in expressions describing machinery and the two kiln temperatures.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.