The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Sample Response
The given diagram shows different stages of brick manufacturing for the building industries. Generally speaking, brick production involves 7 steps, starting from the digging stages and ending at the delivery stage. As is given in the graph, the first step of brick manufacturing is digging the clay with a large digger. This clay is then filtered and processed in a roller machine and then mixed with sand and water. In the third stage, the mixture is either kept in a mould or cut in a wire cutter to make the raw shape of the bricks. In the next step, the shaped raw bricks are dried for 24 to 48 hours in a drying oven. After that, the dried raw bricks are kept in a kiln, both in moderate and high temperature, up to 1300 degree centigrade and then placed in a cooling chamber for about 48 to 72 hours. This process makes the brick to be packed and delivered in the final two steps. The delivery process is the final process of brick manufacturing and as it is noted, brick making is a moderately complex process that requires some predefined works to make it usable.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use singular industry Original: building industries Suggested revision: building industry Why it matters: The task refers to the building industry as a general sector, so the singular form is required.
- 2. Spell out number Original: 7 steps Suggested revision: seven stages Why it matters: Seven stages is a more formal phrasing for a process report.
- 3. Use singular stage Original: digging stages Suggested revision: digging stage Why it matters: The overview refers to one initial stage, so stage should be singular.
- 4. Name visual accurately Original: As is given in the graph Suggested revision: As shown in the diagram Why it matters: The visual is a process diagram rather than a graph, and shown is the natural reporting verb.
- 5. Use precise process verb Original: digging the clay Suggested revision: excavating clay Why it matters: Excavating concisely describes the digger's action in the first stage.
- 6. Identify metal grid Original: filtered Suggested revision: passed through a metal grid Why it matters: The diagram specifically shows clay passing through a metal grid before the roller.
- 7. Describe roller function Original: processed in a roller machine Suggested revision: crushed by a roller Why it matters: The visual shows the clay being broken down by a roller, not vaguely processed in a machine.
- 8. Use correct shaping verb Original: kept in a mould Suggested revision: shaped in a mould Why it matters: A mould shapes the mixture rather than merely storing it.
- 9. Fix tool preposition Original: cut in a wire cutter Suggested revision: cut with a wire cutter Why it matters: With is the correct preposition for the tool used to cut the mixture.
- 10. Use concise process term Original: raw shape of the bricks Suggested revision: raw bricks Why it matters: Raw bricks states the product of the shaping stage directly and naturally.
- 11. Clarify sequential heating Original: both in moderate and high temperature Suggested revision: at moderate and then high temperatures Why it matters: The diagram shows two successive temperature ranges, and temperatures must be plural here.
- 12. Fix temperature expression Original: 1300 degree centigrade Suggested revision: 1,300 degrees Celsius Why it matters: A number above one takes degrees, and Celsius is the standard term and capitalization.
Suggested Rewrites
- building industries building industry
- 7 steps seven stages
- digging stages digging stage
- As is given in the graph As shown in the diagram
- digging the clay excavating clay
- filtered passed through a metal grid
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response clearly follows the process from clay extraction to delivery and includes the alternative shaping methods, drying and cooling durations, and the two-stage firing. Its main weakness is imprecision: the moulding description is awkward, the two firing ranges are not clearly distinguished, and the final generalization adds little. The priority is to report each stage with exact technical details and more natural process language.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
All major stages are covered in the correct order, but some process details, especially the kiln temperatures and shaping methods, lack precision.
Specify the moderate and high firing ranges separately and describe the mould and wire cutter as alternative ways of shaping the mixture.
Coherence and Cohesion
The sequence is easy to follow through appropriate stage markers, though repetition and the unnecessary closing comment slightly weaken the progression.
Group the process into preparation, heating, and finishing stages and end directly after packaging and delivery.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of process vocabulary, but several collocations such as 'kept in a mould' and 'predefined works' are unnatural.
Use precise forms such as 'shaped in a mould,' 'cut with a wire cutter,' 'fired in a kiln,' and 'packaged for delivery.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied structures and passive forms, but recurring errors with number, articles, prepositions, and complementation reduce accuracy.
Correct constructions such as 'at moderate and high temperatures,' 'degrees Celsius,' and 'allows the bricks to be packaged.'
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