The diagram below shows the process by which bricks are manufactured for the building industry.
Sample Response
The diagram gives information about the manufacturing process of construction bricks. Overall, brick manufacturing requires some controlled stages and complex equipment. To begin with, the clay is collected by a digger machine and then the clay is passed through a metal grid to grind them. The smashed clays are transported to a roller and sand and water are mixed with this. The mixture later either moves through a brick cutter, which shape of bricks, or is placed into a mould in which the shape of a brick is formed. Afterwards, these brick-shaped parts are put into a drying oven and stay there for 24 to 48 hours. Next, they are transferred to the first kiln for heating, whose temperature is moderate, 200 to 980 C. After this, they are heated in the second kiln under the high temperature from 870-1300C. Subsequently, in a cooling chamber, they are cooled for two to three days before they are packaged and delivered to the construction sites. To summarise, the whole process consists of generally seven steps during which the raw material is dried, heated, cooled and packaged.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Use precise overview Original: some controlled stages Suggested revision: a series of controlled stages Why it matters: This phrase more clearly presents the process as a sequence.
- 2. Avoid redundant noun Original: digger machine Suggested revision: digger Why it matters: A digger is already a machine, so the second noun is unnecessary.
- 3. Describe grid accurately Original: grind them Suggested revision: break it into smaller pieces Why it matters: The visual shows the grid breaking up the clay, and clay requires a singular pronoun here.
- 4. Use process vocabulary Original: The smashed clays Suggested revision: The crushed clay Why it matters: Crushed is the appropriate process term, and clay is uncountable in this context.
- 5. Correct stage action Original: are transported to a roller Suggested revision: is fed through a roller Why it matters: The diagram shows the clay passing through the roller rather than being transported to it.
- 6. Clarify the reference Original: sand and water are mixed with this Suggested revision: it is mixed with sand and water Why it matters: The revised passive structure gives the clay a clear pronoun reference.
- 7. Fix relative clause Original: which shape of bricks Suggested revision: which cuts it into bricks Why it matters: The original relative clause lacks a grammatical verb phrase.
- 8. Use natural preposition Original: placed into a mould Suggested revision: placed in moulds Why it matters: Placed in is the natural construction, and the diagram depicts moulds used to form bricks.
- 9. Reduce wordiness Original: in which the shape of a brick is formed Suggested revision: to form bricks Why it matters: This concise infinitive expresses the same manufacturing action more directly.
- 10. Name the product Original: brick-shaped parts Suggested revision: shaped bricks Why it matters: Shaped bricks is a clearer label for the material after cutting or moulding.
- 11. Use process verb Original: stay there Suggested revision: are dried Why it matters: Are dried states the purpose of the oven more precisely.
- 12. Fix temperature phrase Original: whose temperature is moderate, 200 to 980 C Suggested revision: at a moderate temperature of 200°C to 980°C Why it matters: The replacement uses a grammatical temperature expression and standard unit notation.
Suggested Rewrites
- some controlled stages a series of controlled stages
- digger machine digger
- grind them break it into smaller pieces
- The smashed clays The crushed clay
- are transported to a roller is fed through a roller
- sand and water are mixed with this it is mixed with sand and water
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, nearly complete chronological account of the manufacturing process, accurately covering the alternative shaping methods, timed drying and cooling, two kiln temperatures, packaging, and delivery. Its main weakness is language control: repeated agreement, pronoun, countability, and clause-construction errors make several descriptions awkward. Prioritise accurate grammatical structures and more precise process vocabulary while retaining the strong sequence and coverage.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Detailed feedback by IELTS writing criterion after the annotated essay.
Task Achievement
The response accurately covers virtually all stages, both shaping alternatives, the temperature ranges, and the processing times, although the opening overview is rather general.
Make the overview more informative by stating that this is a linear process from clay extraction to delivery with two alternative shaping methods.
Coherence and Cohesion
The stages progress logically and are easy to follow through appropriate sequencing expressions, despite being presented as one dense paragraph.
Separate the introduction and overview from the detailed stages and group the preparation and heating phases into clear paragraphs.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a sufficient range of process vocabulary, but imprecise choices such as 'smashed clays' and awkward collocations reduce naturalness.
Use precise process terms and collocations such as 'crushed clay,' 'fed through rollers,' and 'heated at a temperature of.'
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex structures communicates the process clearly, but recurring agreement, pronoun, countability, and relative-clause errors weaken control.
Prioritise noun agreement and clause accuracy, especially forms such as 'clay is ground' and 'a wire cutter, which shapes the bricks.'
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