The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
This response is estimated at Band 6.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the number of people visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
Overall, the total number of people visiting this island increased significantly from 1.0 million to 3.5 millionvisiting this island increased significantly over all seven yearsover the all 7 years. Specifically, the number of visitors staying on cruise ships saw the mostmore marked growth, whereas the figure for visitors staying on the island showedstaying on island showed a steady rise. Moreover, the number of visitors staying on island accounted for the higher proportionhad the highest number at the beginning of the period but visitors staying on cruise ships had the highest figure by the end.
The number of visitors staying on the island remainednumber of visitors staying on island remained unchanged in the first year, before the figure experienced a gentle growth from approximately 0.75 million to 1.5 million between 2011 and 2013approximately 0.75 million to 1.5 million. Following this, the figure remained steady at 1.5 millionThen, the figure remained steady again, after which a small drop could be seen in this number from 2015 to 2016. Finally, the figure for visitors staying on the island graduallyfigure for visitors staying on island gradually increased and returned to its 2015 levelbacked to the 2015 level in 2017.
The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships varied between approximately 0.25 million and 0.5 millionfluctuated between almost 0.25 million and 0.5 million from 2010 to 2013 and then there was a substantial increase in this figure over the following four4 years. In addition, this figure overtook the figure for visitors staying on the island between 2015visitors staying on island between 2015 and 2016 and finally reached 2.0 million in 2017reached 1.5 million in 2017.
Why this response received Band 6.5
The essay presents a clear overview and effectively highlights main trends and comparisons, making the summary easy to follow. However, the report contains a data inaccuracy in the final figure for cruise ship visitors and minor grammatical errors in article use and verb structures. To improve, double-check numerical figures against the graph before finishing and refine minor grammatical phrasing.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
A clear overview and key trends are identified, though the final figure for cruise ship visitors is reported incorrectly as 1.5 million instead of 2.0 million.
Verify all end-point data points carefully against the chart axes to maintain complete accuracy.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into dedicated paragraphs for overall trends and specific categories with clear progression throughout.
Vary sentence transitions slightly more to connect specific comparative points across paragraphs smoothly.
Lexical Resource
A good variety of vocabulary appropriate for trend descriptions is used flexibility, with only rare minor phrasing slips.
Ensure precise prepositional collocations and comparative adjectives, such as choosing 'most marked' over 'more marked'.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A mix of simple and complex sentence structures is produced, though frequent minor errors in article usage and verb phrasing are present.
Proofread for proper article placement before nouns and correct non-standard verb usages like 'backed to'.