The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The line graph illustrates the number of people visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
Overall, the total number of people visiting this island increased significantly over the entire seven-year periodover all 7 years. In particular, the numberSpecifically, the number of visitors staying on cruise ships saw more marked growthsaw the more marked growth, whereas the figure for visitors staying on the island showedstaying on island showed an overall increase despite leveling off and dropping slightlya steady rise. Moreover, the category of visitors staying on the island was highernumber of visitors staying on island had the highest number at the beginning of the period but visitors staying on cruise ships had the highest figure by the end.
The number of visitors staying on the island remainedstaying on island remained unchanged in the first year, before the figure experienced a moderate increasea gentle growth from approximately 0.75 million to 1.5 million. Then, the figure remained steady again, after which a small drop could be seen in this number from 2015 to 2016. Finally, the figure for visitors staying on the island gradually increasedstaying on island gradually increased and returned to its 2015 leveland backed to the 2015 level in 2017.
The figure for visitors staying on cruise ships fluctuated between 0.25 million and 0.5 millionbetween almost 0.25 million and 0.5 million from 2010 to 2013, after which there wasfrom 2010 to 2013 and then there was a substantial increase in this figure over the subsequent four yearsover the following 4 years. In addition, this figure overtook the figure for visitors staying on the island between 2015staying on island between 2015 and 2016 and finally reached 2 million in 2017.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The essay presents a clear and accurate overview of the line graph, logically organizing key trends and precise data comparisons over the time period. Ideas flow smoothly across paragraphs with clear cohesive devices, making the reporting easy to follow. To achieve higher proficiency, focus on refining grammatical accuracy, particularly preposition usage and verb forms, alongside using a wider variety of vocabulary.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The response covers all key features accurately, providing a clear overview and appropriate data points throughout the period.
Ensure all minor trend details, such as precise inflection years, are fully integrated without repeating phrasing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically organized into distinct paragraphs with clear progression and effective linking words.
Vary referencing strategies slightly to avoid repeating 'the figure for' in consecutive sentences.
Lexical Resource
The response uses a good range of vocabulary suited for Task 1, showing flexible word choice despite occasional minor awkwardness.
Incorporate more varied academic expressions for trends and comparisons rather than relying on repeated structures.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Grammar and sentence structures are generally accurate and varied, though a few minor errors in verb forms and prepositions occur.
Proofread past-tense verb forms and prepositional phrases to ensure error-free complex sentences.