The diagram below shows one way of manufacturing ceramic pots
This response is estimated at Band 7.5. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The diagram illustrates howThe diagram illustrates the steps by which ceramic pots are manufactured.
In general, the production of ceramic pots involves nine steps, beginning with the collection of raw materials, to the colouring and decoration of the finished product.
Firstly, the raw materialsmaterial required to make the pots is mined from the earth and transported to a factorytransported to factories. Once at the factory, the raw materials are crushedthe raw material is crushed, mixedmixed with other ingredients, and pouredplaced into moulds. Once the material has been moulded to the desired shape, it isdesired shape it is then dried for approximately four to six hoursapproximately 4-6 hours.
Once the pots are dryOnce the pot is dry, it is taken from the mould and placed in an oven, where it is bakedplaced in an oven and baked at around 1000 degrees Celsius. After the pots have been bakedhave been sufficiently baked, they are dipped in colour to decorate them and again fired Delete(3) in an oven to fixdry the colour. The pots are then finishedready for sale or for use.
Why this response received Band 7.5
The response clearly follows the process from extraction to the finished pots and provides an effective overview, with generally controlled language and logical sequencing. Its main weakness is precision: it introduces unsupported other ingredients and could distinguish the two firing stages more explicitly. Prioritise describing only what the diagram shows and highlighting the initial 1000-degree firing and later colour firing as separate stages.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report presents a clear overview and covers nearly all stages in the correct order, but it adds unsupported ingredients and slightly simplifies the process.
Describe only visible inputs and explicitly distinguish the 1000-degree firing from the later colour-firing stage.
Coherence and Cohesion
Information is logically divided and progresses smoothly from raw-material extraction to the finished product, although repeated uses of Once make the sequencing somewhat formulaic.
Vary the stage transitions while keeping each chronological step clearly connected to the next.
Lexical Resource
Vocabulary is appropriately process-focused, with effective terms such as mined, moulded, baked, and fired, though a few descriptions lack exact visual precision.
Use precise labels from the diagram and avoid unsupported wording such as other ingredients.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
A good range of passive and complex structures is used with strong control, despite minor awkwardness in the overview and occasional punctuation issues.
Refine comparative and participle constructions, especially the phrasing beginning with the collection and ending with the finished product.