The diagram below shows one way of manufacturing ceramic pots
This response is estimated at Band 7.0. Can you write a better one?
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Sample Response
The picture reveals one of the methodsviable methods of producing ceramic pots
Overall, Deleteit can be easily seen that the process comprisescomprises of eleven steps.
In detailLooking into the diagram for more details, the process begins with raw materials being excavated from the groundthe process commences when raw materials are dug out of the ground by a machine called a diggermachine called digger before being transported by trucktrucks to a factory where the remaining stages take placethe following eight stages will be conducted.
At the factory, the raw materials are crushed twice to become powder. Next, the process involvesThe next step involves mixing the powder with water, and thenwater, then the resultingresulted mixture is poured into moulds to form ceramic potsform the shape of ceramic pots. After the moulds are then dried for 4 to 6 hours, they are assembled into clay pots. Afterwards, the clay pots are placed ininto an oven and heated at athe temperature of 1,000 degrees Celsiusover 1,000 degrees Celsius. The pots are then coloured before undergoing colour firing to become finished pots.
Why this response received Band 7.0
The response gives a clear, logically ordered account and covers virtually every stage from excavation to the finished pots, with appropriate process vocabulary. Its main limitation is that the overview only counts the stages instead of summarising the process's beginning and end, while several grammatical and collocational slips reduce precision. Strengthen the overview and edit constructions such as ‘comprises of’ and ‘resulted mixture’ for a more polished report.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report accurately covers nearly all major stages in sequence, but the overview merely counts them rather than summarising the process from raw material extraction to finished pots.
Write an overview that identifies the starting material, the final product, and the main transformation through shaping and firing.
Coherence and Cohesion
The paragraphing and chronological progression are clear, and linking generally guides the reader smoothly through the process.
Break up the longest stage-description sentence and avoid redundant sequencing such as ‘After ... then’ to make progression more natural.
Lexical Resource
A good range of process vocabulary, including ‘raw materials’, ‘moulds’, and ‘colour firing’, conveys the stages precisely despite a few awkward collocations.
Replace inaccurate forms such as ‘resulted mixture’ with ‘resulting mixture’ and use ‘at a temperature of’ for greater lexical precision.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
The response uses varied complex and passive structures successfully, although several article, preposition, and construction errors remain noticeable.
Proofread fixed structures and noun phrases, especially ‘comprises eleven steps’, ‘a digger’, and ‘at a temperature of over 1,000 degrees Celsius’.