The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.
Sample Response
The table graph explicates the gathered statistics of children born to women aged from 40-44 years in Australia. The data is given since 1981 and it illustrates the figures of 1981, 1986, 1996 and 2006.
Overall, the proportion of women who had given birth to three or more children had considerably plunged and mothers who had no children were surged by each year. In 1981, the utmost four or more infants were born by women with the figures of 27.6% but it was plunged from the year 1981 to 1996 and finally, it fell to 11.0% in 2006. Similarly, the maximum proportion of women who had given birth to three children was 27.4 percent and 27 percent in the year of 1981 and 1986 respectively. The remaining two years were minimal in the birth of three children by the women aged 40-44.
Moreover, two children were given birth by more women in the year of 2006 and 1996. It was nearly correlative to each other with the figures of 38.3% and 38.2% while 29% of two children were given birth by women in the year of 1981. However, childless women’s number upsurged in 1996 and 2006 from 12.8 percent to 15.9% but women with no child plummeted from 9.7 percent to 8.5 percent in the year 1981. In the case of one child, the proportion decreased in the first two years of the given graph then dropped to 7.6 percent in the last year.
IELTS Writing Correction
- 1. Name visual correctly Original: table graph Suggested revision: table Why it matters: The visual presents values in a table, not a graph.
- 2. Use reporting verb Original: explicates Suggested revision: presents Why it matters: Presents is the natural verb for introducing tabulated data.
- 3. Clarify data subject Original: gathered statistics of children born Suggested revision: data on children ever born Why it matters: This wording accurately reflects the table's measure.
- 4. Fix age range Original: aged from 40-44 years Suggested revision: aged 40–44 years Why it matters: Aged takes the range directly without from.
- 5. Use simple past Original: had considerably plunged Suggested revision: declined considerably Why it matters: The simple past is appropriate for the completed trend across the survey years.
- 6. Fix trend subject Original: mothers who had no children were surged by each year Suggested revision: the proportion of mothers with no children rose in each survey year Why it matters: A proportion rises; mothers themselves cannot be described as being surged.
- 7. Describe largest group Original: the utmost four or more infants were born by women Suggested revision: women with four or more children accounted for the largest share Why it matters: The table reports proportions of women by number of children, not numbers of infants born.
- 8. Use value preposition Original: with the figures of 27.6% Suggested revision: at 27.6% Why it matters: At is the concise preposition for reporting a percentage.
- 9. Remove passive form Original: it was plunged Suggested revision: it plunged Why it matters: Plunge is intransitive here and should not be passive.
- 10. Use concise range Original: from the year 1981 to 1996 Suggested revision: between 1981 and 1996 Why it matters: This is the standard concise form for a time range.
- 11. Use plural subject Original: the maximum proportion of women Suggested revision: the proportions of women Why it matters: Two separate yearly percentages require a plural subject.
- 12. Fix plural agreement Original: was 27.4 percent and 27 percent Suggested revision: were 27.4% and 27.0% Why it matters: The two proportions require the plural verb were.
Suggested Rewrites
- table graph table
- explicates presents
- gathered statistics of children born data on children ever born
- aged from 40-44 years aged 40–44 years
- had considerably plunged declined considerably
- mothers who had no children were surged by each year the proportion of mothers with no children rose in each survey year
Why this response received Band 5.5
The response's strongest feature is its structured coverage of several family-size categories with many relevant figures and a broadly valid overview of the decline in larger families. Its main limitation is data accuracy: the childless sequence is confused and the one-child category is described as falling when it actually rises. The highest priority is to trace every category chronologically from 1981 to 2006 before selecting comparisons.
IELTS Writing Criteria Scores
Task Achievement
The report identifies the main shift away from larger families and includes useful data, but significant trends for childless women and women with one child are misstated.
Check each row in chronological order and accurately report that both the no-child and one-child proportions rose across the period.
Coherence and Cohesion
Paragraphing and category grouping create a generally clear progression, although confused references to years and figures weaken some comparisons.
Present each selected category from earliest to latest year and use explicit category names instead of vague references such as "it" or "the remaining years."
Lexical Resource
The response attempts varied data vocabulary, but frequent unsuitable choices such as "utmost," "correlative," and "quota" reduce precision.
Use standard table language such as "proportion," "rose," "fell," "similar," and "women with two children."
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Some complex structures are attempted, but frequent errors in passive voice, agreement, articles, and comparison forms make several sentences difficult to follow.
Use women as the grammatical subject, for example "the proportion of women with four or more children fell," and check agreement throughout.
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IELTS Academic Writing Task 1
The table below presents the number of children ever born to women aged 40-44 years in Australia for each year the information was collected since 1981.
Your response
Write the task yourself, then compare your choices with the annotated response.